Illustration by Steve Stegelin

The Blotter is taken from reports filed with Charleston Police Department between June 3 and June 8.

Blotter of the Week: A downtown man described as wearing an outfit resembling “either Deadpool or Spiderman” reportedly attempted to steal two cartons of cigarettes from a convenience store. If only the witnesses had brushed up on their Marvel trivia.

Runners Up

The driver of a rear-ended car in West Ashley told the other driver they needed to pull over because they had a baby on board. The other driver reportedly fixed his headlight and said, “Nobody cares about your baby,” before driving away. 

A West Ashley woman told police she spotted a man waddling through the woods behind her house with his pants around his ankles. The report said the man wasn’t doing anything out of the ordinary — aside from the pants thing.

The owner of a West Ashley commercial building told officers that his washing machine had been stolen, and while this isn’t the first report of its kind, we never really understand how and why one begins to steal a washing machine in the first place.

Two men drinking a couple of cold ones on a downtown sidewalk invited officers to join them, but when officers declined and reminded them of the city’s open container laws, tried to tell them the cans were old and not even theirs. 

A West Ashley woman taking a field sobriety test reportedly counted her heel-toe steps aloud, and then denied doing so when the officer told her that was against the rules. Something tells us that’s not a good sign.

A fight between two men broke out in the middle of a downtown bar after they each chugged a bottle of Bacardi rum. Crazy! What an unexpected twist.

Police woke up a man who was asleep at the wheel of his car parked on the side of the road, and the conversation was going rather well until the man accidentally dropped two crack pipes onto the floorboard. His response, “Aw, man, not again.” 

A woman being arrested for shoplifting from a West Ashley grocery store reportedly screamed obscenities and other nonsense while being apprehended. That is, until police asked her for her name, when she “finally” mimed zipping her lips and throwing away a key. 

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