Sipping mocktails in fancy glasses without worrying about a hangover the next day is fun, but it can be awkward to socialize without a little liquid courage to ease the nerves.
Back in February, two women strolled in James Island County Park deliberating on this very issue — how difficult it is to be social when trying to cut down on drinking.
That conversation between James Island residents Kayla Huff and Mara DeMauro brought about the launch of Fish Out of Water, a new social group that meets monthly at various spots throughout the city.
“There’s a need in the community to be able to build deeper, meaningful connections, and that’s the root of all of this,” DeMauro told the Charleston City Paper.
Huff, who works for Charleston Parks Conservancy, and DeMauro, who is a lifestyle coach, said their own experiences with booze prompted them to consider the importance of socializing without alcohol being the center of attention.
“Charleston, from a bird’s eye view, can be very alcohol-centric,” Huff said.
The two women said they envisioned fostering alcohol-free spaces where everyone feels like they belong. Instead of crowding around a bar to socialize, participants engage in group discussions and alternative experiences, such as a sauna and cold plunge event that’s planned for next month.
Getting past awkwardness
Getting past the initial awkwardness is a big part of sober socialization.
Fish Out of Water embraces being out of one’s comfort zone, but promotes good vibes and real connections for anyone who is interested, whether teetotaler or sober-curious.
Local food leader Mickey Bakst, who was general manager at the Charleston Grill for 18 years, said what DeMauro and Huff are doing is very important.
“It is needed in a city that tends to pride itself on partying,” he said. “They’re not about not drinking at all — they’re about creating options for people that don’t feel like drinking all the time. And I couldn’t applaud it anymore. I think that it’s incredible that these groups are starting to form all over the country.
“There’s such an epidemic of drinking, especially in Charleston,” Bakst said, who started a sober social group called Ben’s Friends in 2016 with fellow restaurateur Steve Palmer.
“Creating experiences that don’t revolve around drinking is something the city desperately needs,” he said.
Intentional socializing
DeMauro said a lot of her inspiration for the drop-in-style social group comes from working as a coach to help people move through life transitions and find joy.
“We’re not shaming people who enjoy alcohol,” she said. “The focus is on people who want to create more intentional connections, and we see that coming up a lot in Charleston through people who we’ve been partnering with.”
Fish Out of Water encourages people to try even just one socializing experience without alcohol and see what might shift within them.
Huff said she is not completely sober herself but simply wants more fun, sober experiences in which she can meet new people.
Part of the mission behind Fish Out of Water is to alleviate feelings of guilt for not imbibing and taking the pressure off of being the only person not drinking.
“It’s kind of like going out to eat, and there’s options for gluten-free, vegan and vegetarian — it’s just non-alcoholic,” DeMauro said. “It’s not a big deal.”
There is a challenge to finding sophisticated alternatives to the Charleston bar scene, said Emily Heintz, owner of spirit-free alternative retail store Sèchey.
“Alcohol has a firm grip in many cultures, especially ours, as a centerpiece of socializing,” Heintz said. “So I came up with Sèchey to increase the availability, awareness and convenience of alcohol alternatives to give people options, so they don’t feel like they’re missing out.”
The little shop is what Heintz calls “a destination for celebration regardless of your relationship with alcohol.”
And that’s exactly the sentiment echoed by Fish Out of Water.
A good kind of silly
The first Fish Out of Water gathering back in June gathered together about 12 people at Melton Peter Demetre Park on James Island for an open dialogue to get to know one another and talk through the weirdness of sober socializing.
“It felt awkward when it started,” Huff said, laughing, “but by the end, everyone was feeling silly.”
Freelance photographer Oliver Meredith of James Island said he attended the first Fish out of Water meeting to meet like-minded people.
“Charleston has so much to offer for people from all walks of life, and there’s no better way to experience it than with the community,” he told the City Paper. “I was drawn to Fish Out of Water initially because the members were very inviting and inspirational. Many of the members have high levels of passion for fitness, mental health and getting the most out of life. This is a group I want to be around.”
Fish Out of Water will meet from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. Sept. 27 at stillspace Charleston on East Bay Street downtown during which there will be a workshop focused on “tapping your own liquid courage” and overcoming the uncomfortableness of sober socializing.
Next up is a sauna and cold plunge experience from 5 p.m. to 7 p.m. Sept. 30
at Contrast Fire and Ice Therapy near Hampton Park downtown with Ceebo Brew Co. providing non-alcoholic beers to enhance the fun. Connect with Fish Out of Water via email at fishoutofwaterchs@gmail.com and on Instagram @fishoutofwater_chs.
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