Reports taken from May 4 to May 10
Cinco de Mayo celebrations
A North Charleston man on May 5 reportedly stole two 18-packs of Bud Light from a Dorchester Road convenience store and escaped on a bicycle. There’s a lot to unpack here (other than the beer), like, what a talented man to ride a bike while carrying all of that, and where was our invitation to his Cinco de Mayo party?
Should have gotten an herbal tea
Security footage from an Ashley River Road gas station caught a man on May 7 who parked his truck in the lot, entered the building, bought a coffee and then left. All was normal until the footage showed him approach the front of his truck, “widen his stance” and then “defecate himself while still fully clothed” before leaving in his vehicle, according to a police report. For the record: We now would like to apologize for every time we encouraged folks to “stay weird.”
A terrible trade deal
A downtown man on May 9 told police his bicycle was stolen off the front porch, and the thief had left another bicycle behind in the victim’s front yard. Police didn’t give the complainant the option to keep the thief’s bike, which would have at least been a swap, and instead logged the bike as evidence, leaving the victim empty-handed.
Hair trigger
North Charleston police on May 10 responded to a Remount Road convenience store after the clerk activated the silent panic button after a man requested four packs of cigarettes and left without paying. Police noted no threats or intimidation attempts were reported. There’s little more terrifying than lung cancer, we suppose.
Twist ending
Mount Pleasant police on May 4 responded to a James Nelson Road hotel where two men there for a fishing trip/bachelor party reportedly did not pay for their two-night stay. One of the men told police that he was not trying to dodge payment, that his card was simply declined and he had to get back home to his wife — who was in labor. Well, we hope the fishing went well.
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