Reports taken from July 21 to July 25
We hope it’s the first one
A downtown man on July 22 told Charleston police that several people keep spraying him with “krypton gas.” He told police to smell his shirt, because it constantly smells like the gas. Krypton gas, to note, is a colorless, odorless and tasteless noble gas, so either this guy is secretly Superman’s cousin, or he just doesn’t know what he’s talking about.
Classic whodunnit
A Mount Pleasant woman on July 21 told Mount Pleasant police her neighbor broke into her house and stole her car keys from her purse while she slept, but police noted all doors were deadbolted and her windows were duct-taped shut and locked from the inside. After an investigation, police chalked it up to paranoia — but then where are her keys?
Orwellian car wash
A North Charleston man on July 25 told North Charleston police that a Rivers Avenue car wash malfunctioned and cracked his vehicle’s front bumper when he drove through it. Police simply brought up security footage to prove to the driver that this was not the case. Did he really think that he was ever out of view of a security camera in 2024?
Still lost money
A West Ashley man on July 22 reportedly stole several “Magic: The Gathering” trading card products from a Sam Rittenberg department store by switching barcodes from different products. The man paid about $15 for nearly $200 worth of cards, according to Charleston police. But let’s be honest, if he opened the cards, he probably only got about 10 bucks worth anyway.
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