Note: Sexbruise? may or may not be the alter ego of local musicians Julie “J-Dolla Sign” Slonecki, John “Bitcoin” Pope, Stratton “DJ Desktop” Moore and Will “Blaine” Evans.
The end of an era will occur Dec. 19 at the Pour House. Sexbruise?, the absolutely real Charleston supergroup that has sold dozens of albums and done worldwide tours of the Southeast, is calling it a day with a show called Series Finale.
Yes, that means it’s time to say goodbye to these kings of electro-pop insanity, such as the instant bop called “Bop It,” the nostalgic, white-powder coated viral hit “Party In The ‘80s” (100,000 streams and counting), a down-and-dirty ode to a “Four Taurus” and the funky pandemic ode “Supply Chain.”
It’s time to say goodbye to swaggering frontperson J-Dolla Sign, singer/drummer Bitcoin, guitarist Blaine and percussionist/audience snack distributor DJ Desktop, as well as to the band’s elaborate onstage setup, which features a shark mascot, fire extinguishers for a dry ice effect and a leaf blower to help Blaine achieve that perfect windswept look during guitar solos.
When the news emerged from stately Sexbruise? manor that it was shutting down, we decided to talk to the members one last time before they retreat to their tax-sheltered island mansions and begin lawsuits against one another.
“A lot of people have speculated that we are just doing this to help out our waning ticket sales,” Pope said in a recent interview with the Charleston City Paper. “And while that is true, Sexbruise? as it exists today will in fact vanish at midnight at the end of our last show.”
And apparently, “vanish” does not mean “walk off stage.”
“We will wave goodbye to the audience, and slowly our forms will fade from existence like in Back to the Future,” Pope said. “We’ll be leaving all our gear on stage for anyone who wants to take it. Except when they try to grab it off the stage, it turns out all our instruments were just made out of cake the whole time.”
Moore added, “We weren’t designed to go past 2026. It’s similar to the Y2K crisis. It might be fine, but we really can’t risk it, so we are quitting.”
Sexbruise? first appeared on the Charleston scene back in the mid-2010s and made an immediate locals-only splash. Some say that splash was aided by the band buying fans on Facebook, but it will neither confirm nor deny this.
With almost a decade of unprecedented (and possibly fictional) success now behind Sexbruise?, the individual members have plenty to look forward to.
“Stratton is starting a solo cooking show,” Slonecki said. “He’s still shopping around for networks. Blaine is going into real estate, so hit up Real Estate Blaine on IG. John is retiring to be the old man in Home Alone who feeds the pigeons, just like a gross pigeon man with a strange relationship to a young Macaulay Culkin.”
And Slonecki herself?
“She found out she has a twin at summer camp whose parents are divorced,” Pope said. “They are working together on an elaborate plot to get their parents back together while also releasing a solo twin album.”
Which sounds a lot like the plot of that Lindsay Lohan movie, The Parent Trap, but we digress.
As for the band’s Pour House show, Slonecki said she has a specific goal in mind for its last hometown performance.
“We want to see everyone cry,” she said.
As confident as Sexbruise? sounds about its post-breakup future, Pope did become a bit reflective when asked what he’ll miss most about the experience of being in the ‘bruise. And perhaps his answer summed up the feelings of everyone in the band.
“We will miss the money,” he said, before adding, “Please put us on the cover of City Paper. Anyway, you sound busy, let me let you go.”
IF YOU WANT TO GO: Doors open at 8 p.m., Dec. 19, Pour House, 1977 Maybank Highway, Charleston. Tickets range from $12-$15: charlestonpourhouse.com
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