Itโ€™s Valentineโ€™s Day today. That might mean something significant to those having fun and romance with a cool girlfriend, boyfriend, or spouse. However, for those in the painful throes of loneliness, heartbreak, despair, confusion, such a holiday can be a total drag.

This City Paper song list is dedicated to the sad-sacks who cringe at the sound of mushy romantic music, or hearing about Billboardโ€™s silly new 50 Sexiest Songs of All Time list. Hereโ€™s two dozen pop, rock, and country classics with which to tearfully relate:
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“Crying” โ€” Roy Orbison

key lyric: “I thought that I was over you, but it’s true, so true / I love you even more than I did before, but darling what can I do? / For you don’t love me and I’ll always be crying over you”

“Greasy Spine” โ€” Volcano Suns

key lyric: “Never trust a girl with a greasy spine when she says she wants to be your Valentine…”

“Ouch!” โ€” The Rutles

key lyric: “Ouch! / You’re breaking my heart / Ouch! / I’m falling apart / Ouch!”

“Poor Poor Pitiful Me” โ€” Warren Zevon

key lyric: “Poor, poor pitiful me / These young girls won’t let me be / Lord have mercy on me … woe is me”

“Love Stinks” โ€” The J. Geils Band

key lyric: “I’ve been through diamonds, I’ve been through minks, I’ve been through it all … Love stinks”

“Stone Cold” โ€” Rainbow

key lyric: “Searching in the darkness, fading out of sight / Love was here and gone like a thief in the night”

“She’s So Cold” โ€” The Rolling Stones

key lyric: “I’m so hot for you and you’re so cold”

“You’re as Cold as Ice” โ€” Foreigner

key lyric: “I’ve seen it before, it happens all the time / You’re closing the door, you leave the world behind”

“I’m So Lonesome I Could Cry” โ€” Hank Williams Sr.

key lyric: “Hear that lonesome whippoorwill, he sounds too blue to fly / The midnight train is whining low, I’m so lonesome I could cry”

“Kicked in the Teeth” โ€” AC/DC

key lyric: “I used to think you were sugar and spice / I should have listened to my mom’s advice / Kicked in the teeth again!”

“I Knew the Moment I Lost You” โ€” Bob Wills & His Texas Playboys

key lyric: “A man will have his trials and tribulations / At times, he’ll feel so low and so blue / But from now on I’ll be entirely different / For I knew the moment I lost you”

“So Sad About Us” โ€” The Who

key lyric: “So sad about us … never meant to break up / Suppose we’ll never make up / So sad about us”

“Mean Old Lonesome Blues” โ€” Buddy Jones

key lyric: “I’m going to the river, gonna jump in and drown / I’m tired of you women knockin’ me around”

“Sad Lovers Waltz” โ€” Camper Van Beethoven

key lyric: “One step for anger, one step for pain, step away / One step for right, one step for wrong, step away / Don’t take the third step, ‘cuz that’s just a sad lover’s waltz”

“Since You’re Gone” โ€” The Cars

key lyric: “Since you’re gone, I missed the big sensation / Since you’re gone, I took the big vacation”

“Feeling Called Love” โ€” Wire

key lyric: “What is this feeling called love? / What is this crazy thing I can’t explain anyhow? / What is this feeling called love? / What is this crazy scene I can’t work out anyhow?”

“The Breakup Song” โ€” Greg Kihn Band

key lyric: “Now I wind up staring at an empty glass / ‘Cause it’s so easy to say that she’ll forget your past”

“Poison Ivy” โ€” The Coasters

key lyric: “She’s pretty as a daisy, but look out, man, she’s crazy / She’ll really do you in if you let her under your skin”

“Suspicious Minds” โ€” Elvis Presley

key lyric: “We can’t go on together with suspicious minds”

“When Will I be Loved?” โ€” The Everly Brothers

key lyric: “When I meet a new girl that I want for mine? / She always breaks my heart in two, it happens every time / I’ve been cheated, been mistreated/ When will I be loved?”

“The Bitterest Pill (I Ever Had to Swallow)” โ€” The Jam

key lyric: “The bitterest pill is hard to swallow / The love I gave hangs in sad colored, mocking shadows”

“Let Her Go Into the Darkness” โ€” Jonathan Richman

key lyric: “Just let her go into the darkness / Let her learn from all the things there”

“Oldest Story in the World” โ€” The Plimsouls

key lyric: “You said your good-byes, you broke all the ties / It struck me dumb to think I tried for you”

“I Hate You” โ€” The Monks

key lyric: “Hey, well I hate you with a crush, oh baby, yeah / Well you know my hate’s everlastin’ baby, yeah, yeah / (but call me)”


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