Police arrested a man at a King Street grocery on Oct. 8 after he was caught trying to fit a six-pack of Miller Lite and a package of peel-and-eat Shrimp into his pants. Thank god he didn’t have a hankerin’ for crabs.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

A woman told police on Oct. 7 that the right front silver hubcap from her brand new Ford Focus had been stolen from in front of her West Ashley home. Looks like the crook “picked a fine time to leave her loose wheels.”

Aww-yeah, a Kenny Rogers’ lyric joke! Zing!

Blotter Threat O’The Week: “You’re on the news next!”

Blotter Cop-Misspelled Word O’The Week: “Cooky,” as in the two vanilla cookies that were shoplifted from a West Ashley grocery store on Oct. 9.

Blotter Threatening Text Message O’The Week:

“Be afraid. Be very afraid. I’m going to get you!” Where the hell was the >:(?

On Oct. 7, police began searching for a man that had run up and punched a tourist in the head on Meeting Street, knocking the glasses off his face. Police found the attacker around the corner, where he was lying on the ground after having urinated all over himself.

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