It’s official — springtime is here. What gave it away other than the gorgeous weather, prolonged daylight, and ridiculous markdowns on leftover winter clothing, you ask?
Well, the other day I was witness to a hot midday make-out session while writing on my laptop in the park. The young couple in question lay arm in arm on a blanket, complete with the apparently required College of Charleston student accessories: a frisbee, two bottles of Sobe, and an out-of-control, inbred golden retriever, who seemed less interested in his masters swallowing each other’s faces and more preoccupied with chewing his own ass. My sentiments exactly, I thought. In this case, P.D.A. stands for “Please Don’t, Assholes.”
Ahhh, yes, spring. The depressing, body-concealing period of the winter months is long behind us, giving way to fuzzy feelings and the desire to dry hump each other middle-school style. Frumpy sweaters are peeled off to display hip baby tees from Urban Outfitters, complete with humorous writing conveniently located at the nipple line for added attention. The Marion Square Bikini Squad is once again in full effect, sure to cause some car wrecks induced by rubber-necking rednecks and thinly veiled attempts by local men of God to put the kibosh on their own thoughts of sinnin’. The boys are out, too, shaved chests and all, pouting when forced to put their shirts back on just so they can order a burrito. People are definitely swimming in pheromones and on the prowl.
Since the season has started, many of my single friends have mysteriously, and without warning, fallen in love, already updating their profiles on myspace.com from “Single” to “In a relationship.” My guy friends, who I’ve considered pretty dedicated bachelors in the past, are now the most lovestruck of the whole lot. Our typical routine involving heavy consumption of alcohol on Saturday nights has now been cut in half just so they can rush home to their ladies and “cuddle.” And not to be left out, even I’m getting in on the action — I’ve finally gotten over my insecurities and (gasp!) started dating again. So what gives?
“The Birds and the Bees…” might not be just a silly childhood poem to explain that funny feeling you get when you climb the rope in gym class. With everything in full bloom, it’s natural to feel a little invigorated. Springtime brings to mind the idea of new beginnings, possibilities, and that oh-so fresh feeling. We tread a little lighter, we play a little harder, and we open ourselves up more to the environment around us, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Everything just feels right. We’re at the peak of our game in the spring, and maybe that makes us a little more desirable to the people around us. Of course, it’s just a theory. My other theory is bare skin makes people horny. I think both arguments hold up quite nicely.
Regardless of the reason, ’tis the season to get your swerve on in the Lowcountry. So go out, eat, drink, be merry, and screw like bunnies! Just do me a favor — make sure you do that last part in the comfort and privacy of your own home.
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