Sen. John Kerry then told the [Pasadena City College] students that if they were able to navigate the education system, they could get comfortable jobs — “If you don’t, you get stuck in Iraq,” he said to a mixture of laughter and gasps. —Pasadena Star News, 10/31/06

Most election years, I’m a W.C. Fields American: I never vote for anyone, I always vote against. And if ever there was an election that cried out for Freddy Krueger-esque political bloodletting, it’s this one.

As Kissinger once said of the Iran-Iraq war, “It’s a shame both sides can’t lose.”

So until today my plan was to walk into the nearest voting booth, look for an incumbent, and shout, “Off with his head!” I might have been escorted away by security, but man, it would sure feel good.

Then I read what Sen. John Kerry (D-My Wife’s Enormous Bank Vault) had to say at his pre-election, “Vote Democrat!” rally to a crowd of California college kids. Suddenly, I’m motivated. Suddenly, I’m engaged in this election. For the first time in years, I have someone to vote for.

My vote will go to the guys “stuck in Iraq.”

You know, those (as John Kerry imagines them) barely-literate clods? Those under-achievers whose life prospects are so utterly limited that their only career options are crime, telemarketing and — horrors — the U.S. military? Heaven forbid any young people at a Democratic Party rally commit the kind of egregious lifestyle mistakes that might force them into a life of humiliating military service.

It’s enough to make a man shudder in the morning as he waits for his limo outside his (wife’s) palatial estate.

Those poor, pathetic souls standing watch in Afghanistan and Iraq. If only they’d worked harder in school, focused more on athletics — a polo scholarship, maybe. Instead, Democrats like John Kerry see them for what they truly are: The dregs of society, the bottom of the social and economic barrel. No prospects. No hope.

Why else would they be serving in George Bush’s Army?

Sen. Kerry isn’t the only Democrat who understands this tragic “truth.” Congressman Charlie Rangel and other black Democrats repeatedly insist that the men and women in the U.S. military “clearly come from the lowest economic echelon we have.” Democrat opponents of the war in Iraq often complain that not enough of the soldiers serving are sons of Congressmen and Senators. Of course, many of these same Democrats wouldn’t send their kids off to public schools, much less public service in the US military.

But are Kerry, Rangel, and their fellow liberals right? Are our soldiers “stuck” with the duty of serving our nation? Well, unemployment is below 5 percent, which means there are plenty of jobs for even the dopiest of Americans. And given that every officer in the military is required to have a college degree, it’s not like they’ve got limited prospects. (92 percent of all enlistees have high school diplomas, by the way, compared with 79 percent of the American population).

In fact, a study by the Heritage Foundation released last week finds that “wartime U.S. military enlistees are better educated, wealthier, and more rural on aver age than their civilian peers.”

And then there’s this overlooked fact: Since 9/11, thousands of young American men from every walk of life have joined the military with the purpose and intention of putting themselves in harm’s way in order to keep the rest of us out of harm.

John Kerry looks at these young men and sees losers. Charlie Rangel sees desperate dead-enders. If the Democrats win on Tuesday, our soldiers in Iraq will look up at CNN International and see these two men leering back at them, flush with victory.

I cannot cast that vote.

I’m going to vote for the suckers, the chumps, the boys from bottom of the barrel. As they patrol the streets of Baghdad and kick down doors in Kandahar, they’re going to know that, back home, at least one geeky guy in one lonely voter’s booth has their back.

I can’t fight the insurgents for them, and I can’t protect them from violence. The Islamists’ only tool is violence and they’re going to keep bringing it, hoping that the folks back home will give these terrorists what our brave soldiers never will — an Islamist Iraq that they can use to spread their terror and their power.

America’s soldiers may be among the least impressive people John Kerry knows, but they’re doing the most important job in the world. It’s a job that Sen. Kerry’s Pinot-drinking, Sartre-reading Euro-weenie pals aren’t willing to do.

These are the men who’ve got my vote on Tuesday. And I’m not about to stick them with the likes of John Kerry.

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