BLOTTER O’ the Week:

On Tuesday, a shopper leaving a Folly Road grocery store was approached by a man in the parking lot who accused him of stealing his tools. The shopper denied stealing the tools and was then grabbed by his shirt and head-butted. There’s no word on what the Tool-Time Girl was doing while Tim and Al duked it out.

After-School Special Comment O’ the Week:

“Hopefully I learned my lesson this time.”

A woman got a call from her ex-fiancé, whom she’d dumped in January, saying that he had left some documents at her house for her. When she got home, she found a letter stating, “If you feel you need to put a restraining order on me, enclosed is all the info needed.” The letter then listed the man’s height, weight, and Social Security number, along with a print-out of the Cooper River Bridge Run results with his name asterisked. So the police know what he looks like and how fast he runs … who knew the bridge run could be so helpful?

A well-meaning friend called the police when his buddy, who had just been dumped by his girlfriend, came home from an all-night bender and tried to cut his own throat with a steak knife to no avail. The police arrived, and witnessing the drunk, dumped dude banging his head against the wall. The officer cuffed the guy to restrain him, but he kept trying to bang his head on various objects. What a lady — she took his love, dignity, and a few brain cells, to boot.

Unfortunate Statement to an Officer O’ the Week:

“You don’t have a god damn reason to lock me up.”

Unusual Five-Finger Discount O’ the Week:

Four tree sprouts

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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