A man was heading to church on a recent Wednesday night when he saw a man who attends the same church. Politely asking if the man wanted to go with him, the other man shoved his way past him and continued heading down the street. “I guess you don’t want to go to church,” the churchgoer said, prompting the other man to turn back around, grab a five-foot pipe and begin beating him over the head. That’s not a “No,” that’s a “Hell No.”

On April 14, two Charleston women called the police when they came home and found their door kicked in. The police searched the house and found a man sleeping naked in one of the women’s bedrooms. He appeared to be intoxicated. It turned out he had been dating one of the women for two weeks and he broke in to see her. Sounds to me like he just wanted to see her Egyptian cotton sheets.

Obvious Drunk O’ The Week:

Asked to recite his ABC’s, a driver began “A,B,C,E,H,I,J …yeah man, I messed it up … A,B,D,E,D, … I messed it up.” The man failed several other tests and was placed under arrest, stating as he was walking to the car, “I am hammered.” As he was being booked, the officer told him he was being charged with driving under the influence, to which he responded, “I don’t understand why I am being charged with DUI. Open container, yes, but DUI no.”

On April 11, a 13-year-old girl was at a downtown corner store when she left her iPod on a counter and forgot it. She went back 15 minutes later, but the iPod was gone. Be on the lookout for a thief jamming to the theme to That’s So Raven and anything by Hilary Duff … oh, who are we kidding. It’s probably got the latest from Ludacris, 50 Cent, and that Britney Spears song about masturbation.

Odd Weapon O’ The Week:

A table leg.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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