BLOTTER O’ the Week:

A downtown teacher called the police on April 26 because of a difficult student. When the police arrived, the student said he wanted to “do his fucking homework.” It warms the heart to see a young person so focused on schoolwork.

A man called the police on the morning of April 28 when he found that his 2005 Lexus had been vandalized with global warming statements written using a magic marker. The statements included: “Help cure global warming stop driving me.” Later in the morning, another man with a 2004 Lexus reported he found his car vandalized with, “Dear Unconcerned motorist, stop driving me.” And that afternoon, a third man found “Kill the beast” written on his 2000 Isuzu Rodeo.

Fighting Words O’ the Week:

“Juicy, box her ass!”

Worst Reaction to First Spotting a Cop O’ the Week: “Oh shit.”

A man and a female friend came upon his car at the end of a night out on April 26 and found that one of his tires had been slashed. The woman he was with had received a text message from her estranged husband earlier in the evening stating, “You must be on a date. We left you a message.” The appropriate response would be “WTF U BSTRD!”

After searching a car on April 27, a police officer asked the passenger if the glass pipe he found was his. The passenger responded, “If you mean the pipe in the black case under my seat, it’s mine.” If the officer hadn’t found that particular pipe yet, he just did.

Clumsy Fool O’ the Week:

A man was arguing with his “baby’s momma” on the phone on April 29, when he tried to stick a knife into his kitchen table, missed the table, and stabbed himself inthe leg.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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