Blotter O’ the Week:

A woman was caught stealing at a downtown grocery store. The items recovered were a bottle of Smirnoff Ice, a can of Schlitz, two pizzas, and a box of Velveeta shells and cheese. Now that’s the kind of dinner party we want to be invited to!

Last weekend, a guy on James Island had some friends over for a night of drinking. Everyone had fallen asleep around 1 a.m., or so he thought. He awoke the next afternoon to find his guests were gone as well as his keys, hat, shoes, and a Playstation. The game system was later left on his front porch anonymously. The games might not have been fun, but at least the shoes fit.

Weakest Threat O’ the Week:

“I will hunt her down and she will not like what I have to say to her.” Ooh, scary.

A man went into a downtown gas station and was accused of stealing a honey bun. While a review of the surveillance video showed he was innocent, a background check by the police showed that he had a warrant out for his arrest.

A woman parked her car overnight on a side street behind her apartment, only to wake up the next morning to find a cinder block wall had collapsed on it. It was either an act of God or a pissed off Transformer.

Candid Drunks O’ the Week

• A man crashed his car into a tree late last Saturday night. He was not injured, but got out of the car and said, “I’m sorry, I had too much to drink.” After failing two field sobriety tests, the man refused a third, stating, “I’m done.”

• That same evening, a man was driving beside a cop. The nervous nelly suddenly made an illegal U-turn into the path of the cop and nearly crashed. The man drove onto the curb before abruptly turning into a nearby parking lot where he parked sideways in a space. When the cop approached the car the man said, “I’ve been drinking a little.” When asked if he would cooperate in field sobriety tests he said, “I may as well not even bother.”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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