A woman complained of harassing phone calls, claiming that over the last three months someone continually calls with a distinctly non-feline voice repeating “meow,” into the phone.
The manager of a convenience store did inventory after the store had been robbed to find that the only merchandise missing was the entire dairy stock. Written on the front door was “Got Milk?”
A local doctor’s office called the cops after a woman, 51, slapped her aged and graying mother in the face. When questioned about the incident, the nearly deaf 86-year-old victim said, “It was more an attention-getter than assault.”
Best Blotter WTF:
“White people should not be treated like this.”
Someone threw liquid bleach on three girls during a melee at a West Ashley playground. Also used in the fight: pepper spray, knives, a hammer, bats, wooden boards, and a crowbar. Who the hell brings detergent to that fight?
Former College of Charleston varsity tennis players pulled the ultimate “double fault” when they told cops they had been “forced” by a knife-wielding black man to smoke crack with them for four hours one night, even though he hadn’t threatened them with the knife in hours. The two, one of whom has since been charged with filing a false police report, called police after they realized they had a drug test the next week.
Best Blotter Drunk Chick:
A young lady who, after attacking two cops as they arrested her for drunk and disorderly behavior at her home, attempted suicide that night by sticking her head in the shared toilet in the jailhouse processing cell. She must have wanted to “go” badly.
A visitor at police headquarters told a female officer, “I like a girl in uniform. And you got the cuffs too, oh wow!”
“That’s my Johnson, I just took two Viagra and I’m hard as a rock,” said a man being patted down by police. Once arrested, officers removed an eyeglass case from his pants with what appeared to be a crack pipe inside.
Best Quote Overheard at the Police Station:
An officer calling in a lunch delivery says, “Can your delivery driver bring change for a $100 bill? … Don’t worry about it ma’am. It’s the police station. Everyone here has guns.”
Two officers reported seeing a man who had been drinking heavily driving erratically down East Bay Street. When they asked him to step out of the car, his wife went nuts swearing his bad driving was her fault because she had been giving him “oral” and having sex with him as he drove as part of their 10-year wedding anniversary. As proof, she lifted her dress and flashed one of the officers her bare, panties-less crotch. The officers told the man they wouldn’t arrest him if he had someone else drive them home. So the wife called a friend who was — what else? — a stripper.
A peeping Tom banged on the bedroom window of a West Ashley apartment, screaming at the couple to turn on the television set. “We supposed he wanted the light of the TV to see in,” said the wife.
best Weapon ever:
A prosthetic arm
Best Blotter Arrestee Chest Tattoo:
“Bone 2 Ball”
A manager of a local piano bar received the following threat on his voice mail: “Hey you dirty fucking Jew, this is Neil Diamond. I hate what you do to my songs. It would be better for everyone else if you were dead so why don’t you hang yourself?”
“What will you do if I search back?”
An angry woman picking up her daughter from jail said, “I can’t pay for shoplifting class. I ain’t got no job and I got five kids. This parent stuff is not cool.”
A woman arrested for possessing a stolen truck told police that “only God can tell me to quit smoking crack ’cause it tastes so good to me.”
“I’m going to gut you,” a niece told her aunt after she was left off as a “loving daughter” on her father’s headstone.
Best Blotter Threat:
“I’m being really polite right now, but what I’d really like to do is gouge your eyes out with a knife.”
A man at a Meeting Street convenience store asked the female cashier out on a date. She said no, so he called her a “nigger lover,” and left. A few minutes later, he came back to apologize. He said, “Here’s a joint for you,” and left just that on the counter. Every kiss begins with jay.
A guy was leaving a bar near Meeting Street when a man approached him asking for food. The guy told him, “I won’t buy you food, but I’ll buy you some beer.” They went into a nearby gas station and the guy purchased two 24-ounce cans of Miller High Life. Once outside of the store, the man hit the good Samaritan over the head, punched him eight times, kicked him in his ribs, and stole $100 from his wallet. Maybe he did just want food after all.
HERE’S A RECIPE FOR DISASTER:
1 naked and unmedicated bipolar man
1 small bowl of cooking oil
1 set of nunchucks
1 Tae-Bo tape
— Compiled by Jillian Stephenson and Greg Hambrick
The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.
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