You know what, weather? I’ve had it up to here with you raining only when I am not at work. You know, if you would have started raining around 1 yesterday afternoon, I probably could have made it an early day at my job and grabbed a couple of bloody marys before heading home. But instead, you waited until the minute I stepped off that patio (covered, mind you) and on my way home to unleash your fury. I’ll have you know that being pelted by raindrops the size of Shrek’s loogies for fifteen entire minutes is not pleasant. Neither is having my one beach day last week punctuated by lightning bolts. Come the fuck on. I’m glad that you’re nourshing our dear earth, but can’t you do it while I’m on the job? My summer tan is suffering mightily here. Do us both a favor and get on board with the program before I start spraying aerosol all over the place to get more direct sun rays.

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