BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: An alleged bank robber wrote out a “lengthy” note for the teller. She didn’t read it all; she just glanced at “This is a hold up” and “gun” and got the gist. What else did he really need to say? Was it the grocery list?

Quote O’ the Week: “I just bought $30 of crack, but I have no idea how that powder got in the car.”

Police stopped to question a man sitting in the grass by a downtown convenience store. Asked what he was doing, the man said, “Acting like a tourist.” The police report notes the man smelled of alcohol and slurred his words. Sounds like a local to us.

Asked to perform one-leg stand sobriety test, a woman told police, “I can’t do that sober.” And a man found stumbling around a grocery store parking lot rejected suggestions by police that he was intoxicated. “I just started drinking,” he said. “I ain’t drunk yet.”

After telling officers that he’d “drunk a lot,” a DUI suspect told police that “driving wasn’t my goal tonight.” Well, if the goal was to meet new friends in a confined space, mission accomplished.

Police were called after a suspect allegedly broke the window of his girlfriend’s apartment. The man was found next door with napkins wrapped around his bloody forearm. As police were searching his wallet, he said, “That top ID is fake. My real one is underneath it.” She’s a lucky girl, indeed.

Stolen Items O’ the Week: Five bikes

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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