BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: Police questioned two suspects riding with a flat screen TV on the back of their moped. The men were also carrying two bags of coffee grounds with a hotel logo and two sets of white bath towels. Police contacted the hotel and learned the items had been taken from a room earlier that night.

A cat fight broke out at a James Island bar over whether one woman’s breasts were fake. No word on that, but we can confirm that the fresh shiner on her face was real.

A drunk patron refused to leave a downtown bar, resisting officers and clenching the stair rail as she was escorted to the front door. Frankly, we don’t like to leave until we get our money’s worth out of the cover charge, either.

Scheduled Threat O’ The Week: “You will know what I’m going to do between midnight and 4 a.m.”

Items Stolen This Week: Seven bikes (including one by gunpoint), four iPods, two GPS units, and a kayak

A tenant at an assisted living center told police someone had stolen 21 coins worth more than $6,600. Before you ask, they were in a locked filing cabinet, not a piggy bank.

A 27-year-old woman found stumbling and barely coherent near the City Market told officers that she was the daughter of Mark Sanford and “drunk as shit.” An officer escorted her to a hotel to let her sleep it off. Asked how she would pay for the room, she said the room would be paid for by her “father, Mark Sanford.” Asked again, she said, “Fuck it. Just take me to jail.”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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