Man oh man. I almost just made a grade-A ass of myself.

It would have been like the time that Mark Sanford told his staff that he was going to hike the Appalachian Trail.

Or the time that former U.S. Sen. George Allen (R- VA) called the staffer of his Democratic opponent a “macaca.”

Or the time that S.C. state Sen. Jake Knotts called Gov.-elect Nikki Haley a “raghead.”

But good sense prevailed.

Let me explain.

Like many of you, I’ve been surprised by the reaction to the latest document dump from WikILeaks. Nothing was really said in the docs. Nothing was really revealed. That is except politicians and world leaders are a duplicitous bunch of backstabbers and shit talkers. So what else is new?

Why oh why, I asked myself, has there been such outrage over a bunch of documents that say so very little and which do little to no damage to the safety of American citizens and our troops. And why on earth are so many calling for the head of WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange?

So then when news came out that Assange had been arrested earlier this week, I was immediately skeptical. The conspiracy nut in me couldn’t help but smell a conspiracy. And after reading the first round of articles detailing the charges, I knew for sure that the powers had crafted a way to lock Assange up.

According to the Daily Mail, the arrest stems from two sexual encounters Assange had with two separate women.

In the case of the first woman, the condom Assange was wearing broke. And in the other, Assange refused to wear a condom, but he and the second woman still had consensual sex. And investigator latter determined that both instances amounted to rape, or “överraskningssex,” a Swedish term meaning “sex by surprise.”

Like many of you, I’ve done the deed only to discover after it was over that the condom broke. It’s a horrifying experience, but rape it is not.

As for a man insists on not wearing a condom against a woman’s wishes, well, that man is douche. That said, the woman has every right to tell that man to fuck off.

Now, it appears that I was wrong, and the Daily Mail too. And, let me tell you, I am so glad that I didn’t write the column that I had intended to write. And no, I’m not going to tell you I had planned to say. Nope. You’re not going to get it out of me.

The Guardian now reports that the allegations against Assange are much more damaging.

According to the Guardian:

The first complainant, a Miss A, said she was the victim of “unlawful coercion” on the night of 14 August in Stockholm. The court heard Assange was alleged to have “forcefully” held her arms and used his bodyweight to hold her down. The second charge alleged he “sexually molested” her by having sex without using a condom, when it was her “express wish” that one should be used.

A third charge claimed Assange “deliberately molested” Miss A on 18 August.

A fourth charge, relating to a Miss W, alleged that on 17 August, he “improperly exploited” the fact she was asleep to have sex with her without a condom.

Yeah. Glad I didn’t write that column. So glad.

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