As 2011 unfolds, I humbly submit my list of some New Year’s resolutions I wish Hollywood — and, occasionally, the indies — would make:
• No more Saw sequels.
• No more “conceptual” documentaries (see: Catfish, I’m Still Here). But if Banksy (Exit Through the Gift Shop) wants to make another one, that’s cool. I don’t care if his are fake.
• No more children’s movies with wall-to-wall scatological humor in a cheap effort to invoke kiddie spit-takes. You could occasionally elevate kids instead of pandering to them.
• No more Botox. Nicole Kidman, I’m talking to you.
• No more films set in the South with twangy violin/banjo musical interludes. Sometimes we listen to hip hop.
• No more unnecessary remakes of European films (see: Let Me In). When in doubt, write something original.
• Let’s take a zeitgeist time-out from neurotic, Peter Pan thumbsuckers (Greenberg, Cyrus, Somewhere). Throw in some real men a la Don Draper every now and then. Or try neurotic women (the nervous nellies in Tiny Furniture and Julianne Moore in The Kids Are All Right are a good start) for balance.
• Democratize pain. Suffering doesn’t always have to be aesthetic (see: Rabbit Hole). Sometimes poor and middle-brow people grieve too, and they don’t live in a Pottery Barn spread.
• Take a cue from independent film and don’t think action heroes and explosions disguise weak plot lines and an absence of ideas.
• Use Andrew Garfield more (The Social Network, Never Let Me Go). That guy does complex, gut-wrenching angst better than anyone. I literally felt his pain.
• Stop with the brain-dead “chick flicks” that pander to clichés and dopey girly-girl stereotypes like Leap Year, The Back-Up Plan, and the godawful Sex and the City 2. How about more films that truly reflect women’s lives like Mother and Child or Another Year?
• Have Mike Leigh run seminars in “human emotion” for soulless Hollywood automaton directors.
• Give Lisa Cholodenko more money. Stay cool. Support City Paper. City Paper has been bringing the best news, food, arts, music and event coverage to the Holy City since 1997. Support our continued efforts to highlight the best of Charleston with a one-time donation or become a member of the City Paper Club.