Stolen Item O’ The Week: An electric talking parrot that may or may not sing Jimmy Buffett songs.

Big Man O’ The Week: “I’m going to get my girlfriend to do you in.”

When an officer requested a suspect’s ID during a traffic stop, he said he didn’t have one. The man said his last name was “Thompson,” but when asked to spell it, he spelled Thomas.

Items Stolen This Week: Four iPods and three bikes.

An officer arrived at a downtown bar after getting a call from his supervisor who had been called by an off-duty officer who had been called by his cousin because she said she got assaulted in the bathroom of the bar. By the time police arrived, the cousin had been escorted out of the bar for allegedly harassing the women she claimed had assaulted her. The officer noted that both woman appeared to be intoxicated and claimed the other was the aggressor. Officers noted that the bouncer they interviewed also seemed intoxicated. The women each told police that the incident had been blown out of proportion.

Asked how much he had to drink, a DUI suspect told officers, “One too many, I guess.” He later told police, “Tonight was my last hurrah,” but didn’t elaborate.

Quote O’ The Week: “Stop acting like you’re Robocop. It’s not like I did anything wrong.”

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