BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: Somebody stole $100 from a tanning salon. Witnesses say her getaway plan was half-baked.

A man looked nervous after he got pulled over for a busted taillight, and the cop searched his vehicle and found $650 worth of powder cocaine. Word to the wise: If you’re dealing coke, make sure your ride is up to snuff.

Old-Timey Cop Language O’ The Week: “Upon approaching the vehicle, the Officer smelt a strong and distinct odor consistent to that of Marijuana.”

A student returned from taking a nursing exam to find that someone had broken into his apartment and stolen his laptop, camera, and television. Get the man 50ccs of justice, stat.

A man poured beer into his cup at a fast-food burger joint and got busted for drinking it in his car.

Cocaine Hiding Place O’ The Week: The tiny fifth pocket on the front of a men’s pair of jeans. So that’s what goes in there.

A man whom witnesses could only describe as a “large white guy” walked into a bar and sucker-punched a stranger, knocking several of his teeth out. Horrorshow tolchok, Alex.

A woman who got caught shoplifting $97.16 worth of groceries told police she was just recouping her losses after being overcharged in the past. In other news, Congress announced it’s OK to steal things as long as they cost too much.

A business owner says some frat boys rented out his bar for the evening, broke into the liquor cabinet, and stole $376.98 worth of liquor. Cool story, bros.

After getting pulled over for driving the wrong way on a one-way street, a woman told the cop, “I don’t know why it smells like weed in my car.” Cannabis-scented air freshener, perhaps?

A cop heard loud music coming from a downtown house and knocked on the door, identifying himself as an officer and asking permission to go inside. The response? “Come in and close the front door!” When the cop got to the living room, a man dropped a bag of weed and a glass pipe into his own lap. “What was that?” the officer asked. The man answered, “Nothing … Am I going to get in trouble for having it?”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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