BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: Police followed a man down the sidewalk as he asked a pedestrian for money, stumbled off, and then ran into a telephone pole in broad daylight. When an officer asked the man if he had been drinking, he said, “Yeah, man. It’s my birthday.” The birthday boy got a present from the officer: a ticket for public drunkenness.

Someone broke into a man’s home while he was attending a church Christmas program and stole his TV, electric drill, and printer. The suspect is described as green and furry with a heart two sizes too small.

Sweet Tooth o’ the Week: A man shoplifted 40 candy bars from a convenience store by stashing them in his jacket.

Somebody moved a pewter historical marker from its post in the ground. No word on whether any revisions were made.

A man was arrested for possession of a concealed toy BB gun, which he was hiding under the seat of his car.

The Things They Shoplifted: Fabric paint, $45 worth of boyshort-style panties, $80 worth of lingerie, four pairs of earrings, 10 packs of letter paper, a DVD, a pack of socks, and two cans of energy drink.

Somebody stole the chairs and table from outside of a bakery. He probably heard they were worth some dough.

A man got caught shoplifting two cans of beer by shoving them down the front of his pants. When the grocery store manager stopped him and called police, the man started swinging his arms at the manager and throwing groceries at him in an attempt to escape. The food-slinging beer bandit was foiled and charged with shoplifting and simple assault.

Somebody tried to print counterfeit money on white paper.

Drug Cocktail o’ the Week: Prozac, Ativan, and alcohol.

A group of six teenagers tried to steal a 6-foot-tall singing Santa from a woman’s front porch. The woman caught them in the act and was able to wrest the statue from their hands, but the kids got away with the power cord.

Bathroom Brawl o’ the Week: Two men got in a fight over cutting in line for the bathroom. The girlfriend of one of the men intervened, repeatedly hitting the other man in the face with a beer bottle until it broke. Then she stabbed him in the neck with the broken bottle.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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