BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: A man wearing a silk head scarf walked into a convenience store, stuffed some junk food in a hot-pink bag while the clerk was watching, and then fled on foot. Stealthy, this one.

Confusing Drug Slang o’ the Week: When an officer asked a man if he had any drugs in his vehicle, he said, “There might be a small bag of dust in there.” Officers searched the car and found a baggie full of weed.

After being caught shoplifting, a woman tried to blame it on her PTSD. We assume that stands for Propensity to Steal Disorder.

The grown-ups at a little girl’s birthday party thought it would be a good idea to take tequila shots after the youngster went to bed. As their powers of judgment deteriorated, three of the men decided to beat one of the other men to a pulp, leaving cuts and massive bruises around his eye, nose, mouth, and hands. Tequila!

Overreaction o’ the Week: A postal worker was making his rounds when he noticed a mailbox was broken and tried to tell the resident that he should get it fixed. The resident responded by dropping the F-bomb and threatening to pistol whip him.

Assault Weapon o’ the Week: A picture frame.

A man who had been sleeping in the pinestraw beside a bus stop in broad daylight tried to ask the officers who approached him for a ride to West Ashley. He was arrested on a charge of public disorderly conduct.

Classy Southern Graffiti Tag o’ the Week: “Fuck y’all.”

Somebody attempted to steal the offerings from a lockbox in a downtown church.

A drunk driver who had hit a parked car called the police himself and reported the accident. The owner of the car had tried to convince him not to turn himself in, warning him that he would probably be arrested and “go away for a long, long time,” but he made the call anyway.

Somebody stole a woman’s identity and used it to get a library card and buy a trailer home. Sticking somebody else with your overdue book fees? That’s insidious.

The Things They Shoplifted: Five 18K gold pendants, seven shirts, one bottle of gin, an 18-pack of beer, 13 bottles of perfume, a silver ring, and $7.78 worth of hot lunch.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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