Star Wars Fan o’ the Week: In an incident report, police described a suspect’s vehicle as a “Toyoda Tundra.”

A drunk man got in an argument with a woman, parked his motorcycle near her apartment building around 1 a.m., and revved the engine until she called the cops. When police arrived, the man was swaying on his feet, screaming profanities, and visibly drooling.

Southern Living Weed Stash o’ the Week: Police busted a driver with 6 grams of marijuana in a mason jar.

After getting in a fight with his live-in girlfriend, a man went to sleep in the guest bedroom, but the girlfriend followed him in there and yelled at him, so he took his pillow and blanket to the closet.

When police approached a man who was sleeping on the sidewalk, the man gave them a big ol’ middle finger, tried to go back to sleep, and was arrested for disorderly conduct.

Stupid Hustle o’ the Week: The manager of a convenience store noticed some irregularities in a cashier’s receipts and figured out that the cashier was picking up items from around the store, performing a refund, and pocketing the money. Over the course of a month and a half, the employee is accused of making 40 refund transactions that totaled $805.98.

Desperate Housewife o’ the Week: A woman who was sleeping on the bench in front of a grocery store with an empty bottle of wine at her side told police she had just been shopping and was taking a break before going home.

A man stopped on the sidewalk to talk with police, and 10 minutes later he walked into a convenience store and shoplifted four bottles of wine. Police were easily able to identify the thief in the store’s surveillance footage, and better yet, they knew his address because he had just told it to them.

A man who had an active warrant out on him in Horry County got caught when he found work at a car dealership in Charleston, took a customer out for a test drive without attaching a dealer license plate, and got pulled over. Police searched the man’s records after pulling the test-driver over, found out about the warrant, and put his career in park.

Three guys went from one pharmacy to the next using a forged prescription to buy oxycodone. The pill-popping prescription prevaricators strike again.

Internet Scam o’ the Week: A woman who plays bingo for money on Facebook received a message from a friend labeled as an “Important Message from Facebook” stating that she needed to verify her account. The woman clicked on a link and entered her name, date of birth, e-mail address, and Facebook password, and two days later an unexplained $113 charge showed up in her bank statement.

Someone spray-painted “BTG fish” on the West Ashley bike path. Bring The Good Fish? Be Truant, Go Fish? Bronze Trout, Gold Fish? The world may never know.

A burglar broke into a house and stole three televisions, two laptop computers, two Gameboys, and a Nintendo 64. Now that’s messed up. You just don’t interfere with the sacred Super Smash Bros. roommate-bonding ritual.

The Things They Shoplifted: Nine shirts, two hats, three pairs of jeans, and $300 worth of convenience-store merchandise.

When police asked a DUI suspect why he had a white powdery substance in his nostrils, he said he had snorted cocaine the night before. Somebody get the man a Kleenex.

After police spotted a car driving through a red light and attempted to pull it over, the driver attempted a high-speed escape — in downtown Charleston. Yeah, good luck with that. Shortly afterward, he parked the car and tried making a run for it, but he was busted when he tried to break into a house and the resident called police.

A drunk out-of-towner broke into a tour bus late at night and passed out in one of the seats. He was not a paying participant in the tour.

Stay cool. Support City Paper.

City Paper has been bringing the best news, food, arts, music and event coverage to the Holy City since 1997. Support our continued efforts to highlight the best of Charleston with a one-time donation or become a member of the City Paper Club.