BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: The weekend before the election, a man got in a fight outside a bar. When a police officer arrived, the man started cursing and said, “Obama is going to be president again.” Well, at least he got that right.

Police arrested an alleged prowler in a vest and fisherman’s hat after he was spotted lurking around someone’s porch. Nice catch.

Weed Stash o’ the Week: A high school student brought marijuana to school inside a thermos. That ain’t no soup for lunch.

Police received a call about a drunk man staggering down a residential street. When officers arrived on the scene, they saw several residents pointing their flashlights into a ditch, where the man was found with his lips bloody, his pants zipper down, and his shirt unbuttoned.

After his credit card was declined, a man tried to duck out on a $56.75 bar tab by claiming he was going to get some cash and then not coming back. Unfortunately for him, the bartender already knew his name from, you know, his credit card.

Somebody spray-painted “Get your own man” on the driver’s side and trunk of a woman’s vehicle. Me-yow.

A woman gave her credit card to an employee to purchase a washer and dryer from a hardware store. Instead, the employee used the card to make 13 small purchases (none more than $100) totaling $1,490.

Projectile Weapon o’ the Week: During a fight about money, one woman threw a scooter at another woman’s car, denting the hood.

Classy Drinker o’ the Week: A man who could scarcely remember his own name told police he had drunk “about five beers,” but when the officers looked inside a Styrofoam cup that he had in his backpack, they found red wine residue.

Halloween vandalism: One stolen front-porch rocking chair, two pairs of damaged window shutters, one metal crawl-space cover torn off a house, one broken car window, and six to 10 bullets in a car.

A police officer was parked in his vehicle with a suspect in the backseat when a man sped past him in a car blasting music out the window. The driver parked 20 feet away and then started walking toward the cop car with his hands under his shirt, refusing to stop when the officer ordered him to. He was arrested for disorderly conduct, obviously.

Cop Spelling o’ the Week: “The offender stated she was willing to pay for the damage and settle the incident civally, however the victim did not believe her and was adament on having a report filed.”

Police spotted a man on the sidewalk trying to open a mini-bottle of vodka, and as they approached, he tried to hide it. “You almost caught me,” the man said when questioned. “I was about to open that bottle, but then I saw you.”

After an argument outside a restaurant, a man flipped his opponent’s moped over and walked off. Boom.

Safe Driver o’ the Week: A man was seen huffing from a compressed-air duster while behind the wheel of his yellow SUV.

A terribly uncreative shoplifter stole two laptop computers and a camera from an electronics store by grabbing them and running out the front door. He returned to the same store six days later and was arrested.

Someone stole 120 pills of Percocet from a room at a senior living center. Don’t you mess with Grandma’s pills, now.

The Things They Shoplifted: Two T-bone steaks, five packs of hex nuts and washers, an electric drill, and a $55 pair of blue jeans.

Cyber-Pirate o’ the Week: When police asked a man why he had been standing outside a childcare center for 45 minutes around midnight, he said it was because he was unable to get a good wifi connection.

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