For a reporter, there are few experiences more exhilarating than getting a killer quote. This year, there were plenty of instances where we at the City Paper looked down at our notepads and thought, “I can’t believe they just said that.” Here are some real gems from the year the Mayans got it wrong:

“I graduated magna cum laude from the David Lee Roth School of High Kicks.”

Audience member Lewis Dodson explaining where he learned the dance moves he used after getting invited onstage during the Ben Folds Five’s concert at the Performing Arts Center in September.

“Just as the Pharaoh’s soldiers in their gilded chariots who were drowned in pursuit of the Jews, if you continue your ill-advised pursuit, you will, metaphorically speaking, drown too.”

—James Islander Eugene Platt comparing Charleston Mayor Joseph P. Riley Jr.’s intrusion on James Island to the pharaoh’s persecution of Israel.

“One thing I might advise is for people who have a mind to operate a small business: Just keep showing up. If you hang around long enough, they run out of bad things to say about you.”

—A.C.’s owner Jim Curley on what it takes to stay in business on King Street for 25 years.

“You see me out dressed, and half the time some might consider me a clown. I really push the limits of go-to-hell prep.”

Preppy accessory designer K. Cooper Ray on his contribution to the frat aesthetic.

“Isn’t it too bad that Jesus isn’t running this year?”

—The Rev. Kevin Baird, pastor of the non-denominational Legacy Church in West Ashley, during an October sermon in which he endorsed Mitt Romney for the presidency.

“Ron Paul doesn’t kiss babies. Babies kiss Ron Paul.”

—Steven Chartrand, who brought his infant daughter to a Ron Paul rally during the run-up to the GOP primary in January.

“If you print yacht parties in the paper, will people start calling us to play their yachts? Because that’s what I want to do.”

—Tim Edgar of Flat Foot Floozies on the hopeful future of his band.

“I used to be big into the devil. I thought he was cool for a while. I guess that’s metal.”

—Bully Pulpit singer Danny Kavanaugh on what makes him metal.

“I’ve had to learn how to really enunciate the word so that it doesn’t sound like breath. I’ve said it a lot more times than I’ve ever thought. All I can say is I’m really glad I didn’t write a book about other body parts.”

—Author and journalist Florence Williams, who came to Charleston to talk about her book Breasts at one of the Charleston Library Society’s Wide Angle Lunches in November.

“We did free-running, so it was kind of not that big of a deal to us, but then when we got up there, it seemed to be a lot more about location and where we were than anything.”

—James Chad Tomberlin on why he and a friend climbed over the railing of the Ravenel Bridge in May.

“The man was just trying to exercise.”

—EVO Pizzeria co-owner Ricky Hacker on Zeddie Watkins Little, a former employee at the restaurant who became internet-famous after a photographer snapped his picture during the Cooper River Bridge Run and dubbed him Ridiculously Photogenic Guy.

“I can’t believe I actually hesitated, and I can’t believe I actually wondered, ‘Will I have something to write about every week?'”

—Former City Paper columnist Will Moredock on what went through his head when editor Stephanie Barna offered him the job. Moredock was the liberal voice of the paper for 10 years.

“The first few times I performed this piece, I possessed all the panache of a fifth-grade bed-wetter doing Shakespeare in front of his homeroom.”

This American Life contributor and native Charlestonian Jack Hitt on preparing his one-man show, Making Up the Truth. Hitt performed the piece to rave reviews at this year’s Spoleto Festival.

“I share his beliefs and you share my beliefs, so by the transitive property, he shares your beliefs.”

—Stephen Colbert explaining to a huge crowd at the Cistern Yard why they should vote for Herman Cain in the Republican presidential primary. Colbert came to town in January for the Rock Me Like a Herman Cain: South Cain-Olina Primary Rally, which he later aired on his Comedy Central show.

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