Blotter o’ the Week: A man who was supposed to be under house arrest was seen walking down the street twirling a two-and-a-half-foot samurai sword. When police caught up with the man and asked what he was doing, he said, “Just walking down the street to my dad’s house.”

Somebody broke into an SUV late at night and took the casing off of the steering column and ignition, but the vehicle remained unmoved. Apparently hot-wiring is harder than it looks in the movies.

Somebody threw a beer bottle in the general direction of a police officer in a nightclub parking lot.

Police started chasing a man after they saw him running out of a pharmacy with the store manager hot on his trail. When they caught up to the man and arrested him, they found out he had stolen eight bars of soap. No slick getaway for this guy.

A convenience store employee noticed one afternoon that someone had chiseled through a brick wall on the outside of the store to get to the air conditioning units.

A man tried to shoplift 12 cases of beer from a store by … um … putting them in a shopping cart and walking out the door. Loss prevention officers caught him, obviously.

The victim of a theft told police that he thinks an ex-roommate stole his 12-gauge shotgun and mattress. That’s one big ol’ silencer.

According to a police incident report, a school teacher who was charged with a DUI “repeatedly stated that she was a good person and that [the officer] would be lucky to have his children taught by her.” She also said she hoped the officer would “burn in hell.”

Around midnight, a man pushed open the emergency exit door at a downtown restaurant, causing the fire alarm to go off. He then walked up the street, stopped in front of the window of a deli with customers inside, and pissed on the curb.

A man stood by the highway holding a sign that read, “On the road, hungry, anything will do, thanks,” until police handed him a citation for charitable solicitation without a permit. Welcome to Charleston.

When police pulled up next to a woman who was screaming on a street corner around 2 a.m., she tried to open the back door to the police cruiser and said, “Give me a ride.” After the woman turned back around and hurled profanities and racial slurs at an unknown man standing nearby, the police did give her a ride … to jail. She was charged with disorderly conduct.

Stolen From Vehicles This Week: Two vehicle side mirrors, a briefcase containing a poker set, a GPS unit, two iPhone chargers, an iPod, a laptop charger, and a Swiss Army knife.

A Chinese food delivery driver called police after he saw a man lying down in the middle of the road. When the cops arrived, the man in the roadway had a hard time standing up and was arrested on a charge of public intoxication.

Residents living on a James Island street were concerned when a makeshift wooden fence and a sign reading “ROAD CLOSE” [sic] showed up on their street, preventing mail trucks from delivering the mail.

Two young boys were caught trying to shoot squirrels in a park. Police confiscated their BB guns.

Police heard loud music and screaming at a downtown apartment, so they knocked on the door and found a loud college party going on inside with beer cans strewn all over the floor. Two of the men at the party told police that they were housesitting for the weekend.

DUI Bar Tab o’ the Week: A man who was arrested on a DUI charge told police that he had drunk “six beer.” A bar receipt crumpled up on his floorboard showed that he had bought four beers, three shots of whiskey, two vodkas, and two Jager shots. He also had a bag of cocaine in his cup holder.

As police escorted a man toward a staircase who had just confessed to shooting heroin, smoking crack, and snorting cocaine, the man turned around and said, “Let’s go down backwards.” Police did not oblige.

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