Blotter of the Week: For his 21st birthday, a man got snockered at a downtown bar and then tried to start a fight by whispering “You are a pussy” into another bar patron’s ear. After a bouncer threw him out, the man yelled at strangers until police arrived to arrest him, at which point he hurled racial epithets at the officers as they forced him into the backseat of a cop car. According to police, he then slammed his body against the inside of the door, trying to get out. Happy birthday!

When an officer asked a man what he was holding in his hand, he said it was “a crumpled up biscuit,” according to a police report. And by “biscuit,” he meant some marijuana wrapped in a paper towel.

Rookie Mistake o’ the Week: Somebody broke into a car by smashing a window and left bloodstains on a laundry bag inside.

A convenience store manager says a man shoplifted a pair of sunglasses and then returned the next day—while wearing the stolen sunglasses — to shoplift a bottle of wine.

When police stopped a drunk man who was stumbling down the street and asked him where he was headed, the man replied, “Charlotte Place, spa.” When the officer asked the man if he thought he was in Charlotte, he said, “Yeah, I think — no, Charleston, for work.” Nice save, bro.

Police Report Typo o’ the Week: “The suspect then got out of his vehicle to asses the damage.” Guess you could say the guy wasn’t about to take it sitting down.

Stolen From Vehicles This Week: Two backpacks, two purses, a wallet, four debit cards, two credit cards, $150 in cash, a military ID card, two driver’s licenses, a cell phone, a phone charger, a camera, an iPod, an iPhone, two GPS units, a laptop computer, a pair of sunglasses, a prescription for nerve pain medication, a shirt, a pair of jeans, and a Citadel blazer.

A woman got into her car in a parking garage and smelled smoke. Then she looked in her rearview mirror and saw a man sitting in the backseat smoking a cigarette. After police arrested the man on charges of trespassing and tampering with a motor vehicle, they found four cigarette butts in the backseat.

When police asked a man why his car had somebody else’s license plate on it, he replied, “I took it off a work truck because I thought this car’s tags were no good.” That answer was no good.

Somebody broke into a woman’s bathroom and added dog shampoo and flea medication to her toiletry items. It was a doggone mean thing to do.

Jackass o’ the Week: Angry over getting a parking ticket, an obviously super-important man told a parking enforcement officer, “Get out of the way of people who are going somewhere in life, bitch.”

A team of three shoplifters stole five silver dessert spoons from an antiques store. Apparently these guys weren’t born with them in their mouths.

While police and firefighters were responding to a downtown fire, a pedestrian walked into the middle of the investigation to film everything on his camera phone. Police told the man he could film from across the street, but he walked back into the middle of things and was arrested on a charge of disorderly conduct.

Gutsy Car Theft o’ the Week: After posting on Facebook about selling his car for $23,000, a man met the potential buyer one afternoon at a bank parking lot. The buyer asked if he could move the car a little bit to take a cell phone picture, and before the seller could say no, the buyer jumped into the vehicle with the key and sped off.

Police stopped a man and a woman for rolling a stop sign on America Street late at night. When the officer asked what they were doing in the neighborhood, the driver said that he and his girlfriend had heard rumors about how dangerous America Street was and wanted to check it out. The officer found marijuana in the vehicle.

As he was being issued a citation for charitable solicitation without a permit, a man told police that he was trying to get money for food and that he had “been panhandling before you were born.”

When a cop spotted a man and two of his underaged friends drinking beer in a parked car downtown, he asked them to roll down the window and explain themselves. The driver replied, “We are from James Island, and we came downtown to have fun.” They were out of parking spaces on James Island?

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