Blotter o’ the Week: After dancing naked against a wall in a fast food restaurant, a woman pulled her clothes back on, slipped away as a police officer was handcuffing her, and then led the officer on a chase through the parking lot. The cop noted in the incident report, “These actions of the offender caused McDonald’s customers to pause and look upon us.”

A man stabbed his brother in the stomach during an argument over money.

Shoplifting Haul o’ the Week: A knife set, a dinnerware set, a cookware set, 48 cans of light beer, a bottle of detergent, and five DVDs, all stolen from a single store. Total value: $287.29

Somebody used a credit card to buy nearly $6,000 worth of wood from a lumberyard and then disputed the charge with his credit card company to get it refunded. The owner of the lumber yard is still hammering out the details.

Police approached a man who was sitting on a moped parked on the sidewalk and asked him to hop off. The man, who smelled like alcohol, got off the seat but then spent about a minute setting the kickstand up.

When asked if he was carrying anything illegal, a man told police, “Just some reefer. I’m on my way to get a blunt.”

A man threw a shit-fit in a bowling alley restroom around 1 a.m. and punched two holes in the wall. Guess you could say his evening really went down the gutter.

A woman told police that someone had stolen 25 gold coins from her house with the first 25 U.S. presidents’ faces on them. Another woman says a burglar took $1,000 worth of silver dollar coins from her house. Somebody’s making a mint at this racket.

When asked what he had in his car’s center console, a man said, “N-n-nothing, w-w-why? I don’t touch my center console.” He had about a half-gram of coke folded up in a dollar bill in there.

A shoplifter was caught with a tube of toothpaste, a bottle of acne cleanser, and 10 packages of raw meat in his backpack.

A man told police he wanted to press charges against his ex-girlfriend after she threw seashells at his car and kicked the front fender.

Futile Theft o’ the Week: Somebody stole a leafblower from the bed of a pickup truck.

A man wearing camo pants and a neon-yellow safety vest walked into a grocery store, stuffed seven bottles of moisturizing lotion in his pants, and walked out.

Stolen From Vehicles This Week: A stethoscope, a blood pressure cuff, a pulse oximeter, 60 CDs, two wallets, two purses, a bookbag, a Vera Bradley bag, an ID card, two Social Security cards, two Medicaid cards, a roof-mounted container, two laptop computers, a cell phone, an iPod, a book, a subwoofer box, five audio amplifiers, $230 in cash, and a wakeboard.

A drunk Canadian man opened the rear passenger-side door on a police cruiser and attempted to get in and sit down next to a prisoner. The man was taken to the detention center in a separate police cruiser.

Surveillance cameras recorded a man in a fluorescent yellow safety vest and a hard hat stealing a bicycle from a bike rack. Well, at least he was wearing a helmet.

When a man started dancing on the bar at a club, the DJ got on the microphone and told him three times to get down. Finally, a bouncer came and pulled the man off the bar. Maybe this was all a simple misunderstanding about the meaning of the phrase “get down.”

A cop pulled a woman over in her vehicle because she had illegally tinted windows and a decal reading “ISLAND GURL” obstructing the view through her windshield. When the officer approached the vehicle, she screamed obscenities and used her cell phone to call several family members, who arrived and tried to stand in the officer’s way. The woman was issued two tickets for the tinting and the windshield, and the vehicle was towed away.

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