Careless Typo o’ the Week: According to a police incident report, a man was arrested on a charge of “Carless Driving.” That must have been something to watch.
As bouncers were escorting a woman out of a concert, she lunged at another woman and pulled out a clump of her hair.
The kitchen staff at a downtown restaurant told police that when they confronted a man who was leaning on vehicles near the restaurant, the man tried to punch them, but they dodged the punches and the man fell, cutting his forehead open on the pavement.
A drunk man refused to leave a Chinese restaurant. When police arrived, he kept repeating the officers’ questions back to them. You could say he hit an all-time lo mein.
Amateur Puppeteer o’ the Week: A man returned home one night and found a stranger trying to open his car door. The stranger ran toward a nearby golf course when the man approached the driveway, and police found him later wearing all-black clothes with socks on his hands.
A woman tried to shoplift $20 worth of pico de gallo and sharp cheddar cheese by stashing them in her purse. Somebody should have told her, “That’s nachos.”
During an argument about child support, a man who was holding his infant daughter allegedly tossed the baby to her grandmother.
Witnesses say a man driving a Jeep ran into a parked car, stopped to leave a note on the windshield, and then drove off. The note included the man’s first name and a phone number, but the phone number turned out to be disconnected.
Stolen From Vehicles This Week: A revolver, a leather holster, a box of .38-caliber ammo, a box of .22 Magnum ammo, a medical kit, a GPS unit, a radar detector, a wallet, a driver’s license, two credit cards, and three license plates.
While being questioned at a traffic stop, a woman handed her purse to an officer and said, “I might not have anything … Go ahead and check.” The cop found a gram of marijuana inside a cigarette box in the purse and gave her a citation for possession.
A grocery store employee found a man lying on his back in front of the store’s entrance with his shorts unzipped and his arms over his head. When police arrived, the man repeatedly said, “I’m not doing anything wrong. You wanna party?” When asked where he lived, the man replied, “I just learned to move to Charleston.”
An acquaintance who was staying at a man’s house asked for a loan so he could go out “to party,” but the man of the house told him no and then went to bed. When the man woke up, $230 was missing from the pocket of his shorts.
Weed Stash o’ the Week: In a tin with a monkey face on it.
Police found a car stopped in the middle of a residential street with the engine running and the driver slumped over the wheel with a can of compressed air in his hand. When the officer woke the man by yelling “Sir” at him repeatedly, the man said, “I am headed home.” The man also said he had drunk five to six beers that evening.
At a traffic stop, police found seven hypodermic needles, a cut straw, a small mirror, and a baggie containing half a gram of white crystalline material. During the arrest, the driver told police, “That’s not heroin. It’s meth.”
Worst Shoplifter o’ the Week: A man sporting an orange dress shirt and an orange fedora bought a quart of motor oil from a dollar store, immediately returned it for cash, walked out to the sidewalk, grabbed about $400 worth of clothing off an outdoor rack, and then threw the clothing into his vehicle before driving off. The man’s face was easily visible on surveillance videos, and two fingerprints were found on the oil bottle.
When asked for identification, a man who was about to be arrested on a public intoxication charge handed police a credit card. Bribery: You’re doin’ it wrong.
During a fight, a man picked up three garden gnomes and threw them at his girlfriend. All of them missed, but one went through the windshield of her minivan.
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