Slice of Life o’ the Week: During a heated argument on the sidewalk, a man kicked another man’s pizza box out of his hands, getting toppings all over the poor pizza eater’s face and clothes. The victim was cheesed off, of course.
Big-Time Rock Stars o’ the Week: In an incident report for a traffic stop, an officer writes, “The offenders advised that they had been ‘partying all day’ and were en route to perform a concert at an unspecified YMCA.” The officer found three open mini-bottles of liquor in the car, and the men explained that they were just “pre-gaming” for the big show.
A bouncer carried a drunk woman out of a bar and set her down in a seated position, at which point she started puking on herself and then went a few minutes before responding to anyone.
Two men who were caught drinking on the sidewalk around 11 a.m. said they were “drinking before looking for work.”
A cop asked permission to search a man, and the man replied, “Yes, but let me remove all the stuff from my pockets, and then you can search me.” The officer let the man clean out his own pockets, searched him, and still found a crack rock in the man’s right pocket and another crack rock in his breast pocket. So what was he hiding?
Somebody stole the magnetic light-up “TAXI” sign from the top of a taxi van.
Two guys were out at a fashion event downtown when they returned to their car and found the rear windshield shattered, a hole in the passenger seat headrest, and a “pebble-like item” in the passenger seat. The driver says he threw the item out in the street because he “did not realize it was a bullet.”
A hotel guest says $200 disappeared from her purse after she ate breakfast in the lobby and left the purse there accidentally. That was an expensive make-your-own waffle and cup of O.J.
Shoppers at a grocery store saw a woman walk into the restroom, tighten a strap around her arm, and inject herself with something. By the time a security guard showed up, she was dancing, jumping around, and cursing. Police arrived and found her walking around the restroom with a wad of tissue in one hand and pool of blood in the other.
Overheard in the Police Department Lobby: An applicant for a Police Department job was heard saying on his cell phone, “Just don’t tell him about the illegal dog ring and the prescription narcotics.” Kidding, we assume.
When asked if he had a concealed weapons permit for the pistol he had tucked into his waistband, a man replied, “No, but I am going to apply for one.” Yeah, probably would have been a good idea before you walked out of the house with a gun in your pants.
A man tried to shoplift $92 worth of steaks in a reusable shopping bag. Management had a cow.
An 18-year-old woman returned home one day and found a CD just inside the door with “Me too” handwritten on it. She got up to her bedroom and found a second CD with “things will get better play me” written on it inside her backpack. A police report about the incident does not say what was on either of the CDs.
Two women coming out of a King Street bar around 11 p.m. tried crossing the street without using a crosswalk and got plowed over by a passing bicyclist. All three fell over, and the women and a few of their friends got in an argument with the biker, who eventually rode off.
Police received a report of a man in a kilt carrying a drunk woman down the street around 5 p.m. The woman said she had just met the friendly freeballer that day.
A loss prevention officer at a big-box retailer says he saw someone place two weedeaters and a bicycle in a shopping cart and walk out through the garden center without paying. Somehow the officer didn’t catch the guy.
A driver caught a police officer’s attention around 1:30 a.m. when he shifted lanes without signaling and nearly sideswiped the cop’s patrol vehicle. The officer turned on her blue lights and followed him around the corner until he finally stopped at a red light. While walking up beside the vehicle, the cop noticed the driver had failed to put the vehicle in park, so it was rolling back toward the cruiser. After narrowly avoiding a second collision, the driver presented his identification: a beginner’s permit. Surprise, surprise.
Stolen From Vehicles This Week: A GPS unit, $300 worth of gift cards, $160 in cash, a backpack, a birth certificate, a driver’s license, two credit cards, a pair of cargo shorts, and a Guy Harvey T-shirt.
When police made contact with a man who was squatting between two cars to hide from them, the man said he was just “hanging out.” Witnesses had just watched the man break into the two vehicles and rifle through their compartments looking for valuables.
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