From the Diary of Edward Teach, a.k.a. Blackbeard the pirate:
May, 1718

Argh, matey. It’s been some time since we hijacked this French ship and re-named her the Queen Anne’s Revenge. For a week now we’ve been paaaarrrked here out in ye haaaaarrrrbor, pillaging and plundering the ships as they come and go. But it’s getting haaaarrrrder by the day. We’ve got our 40 guns and three sloops, but we’re running out of laaaarrrrd to keep the lanterns lit. The pirating’s been good so faaaarrrr as we’ve been successful holding some of Chaaarrrrleston’s leaders hostage and ransoming them for medical supplies. But there’s been a bother on me conscience. I can’t shake a vision that fortune teller told me in the Orient. Something about a family fun paaaaarrrrk being built years from now and named after ol’ Blackbeard in a town called Mt. Pleasant. Argh. Kind of makes me want to burn this whole city down.

Be sure to check out more from our “What If…” Year-End Double Issue

Stay cool. Support City Paper.

City Paper has been bringing the best news, food, arts, music and event coverage to the Holy City since 1997. Support our continued efforts to highlight the best of Charleston with a one-time donation or become a member of the City Paper Club.