Blotter o’ the Week: A man told police he was walking to his girlfriend’s house when he saw nine to 12 females fighting on a playground. He said he stopped to watch the fight (later explaining that he just wanted to be a “spectator”) and ended up getting stabbed in the arm with a kitchen knife. The man had a stab wound in his arm, but police could find no evidence of a fight taking place in the area.

A man with blood on his face, forehead, and hands rode his bicycle into traffic three times, nearly getting hit by cars each time. Witnesses say the man was probably drunk.

Dessert Looter o’ the Week: Around 1 a.m., witnesses saw a man holding a shoe in his hand break through the glass door to an ice cream shop and reach inside to unlock it. Sounds like somebody was Hoggin’ the Dasz.

A photographer left her camera and six lenses in her vehicle, which she said she usually leaves unlocked. She returned to the car to discover the camera and all six lenses were missing. There were no signs of forced entry.

A very drunk man stood on the sidewalk near a street corner and stuck his butt out at people whenever they walked by. Just to clarify, his butt remained inside his pants at all times; he just kept grinding in people’s general direction until a police officer arrested him on a public intoxication charge.

Grand Irony o’ the Week: Somebody accidentally broke the front window of a store that repairs cracked iPhone screens.

A man broke into a convenience store after it was closed and stole four packs of cigarettes, a 12-pack of beer, and three packages of Oreos.

A man who reeked of alcohol called 911 to request EMS assistance. When police arrived on the scene, the man, who smelled of vodka, admitted, “I called so I could get a ride to the hospital to get out of the rain.” Police got him out of the rain by arresting him on a public intoxication charge and carting him off to jail.

When a cop smelled marijuana in a man’s car and asked him where the weed was, the driver replied, “It has disappeared.” By that he meant to say that he had smoked it all — except for the 3 grams of weed in his guitar case in the backseat.

A woman suspects that her estranged husband cut the cable lines to her house.

Stolen From Homes This Week: A purse, a cell phone, a laptop computer and charger, a bottle of Oxycontin, a camera, two camera lenses, a $15,000 Piaget watch, a blue Telecaster guitar, a red Gibson SG guitar, a brand-new Keith Urban acoustic guitar, and several beers.

A man stopped to pee on the side of the road and saw a red laser light shining near the ground. He walked closer and realized someone had dropped a .380-caliber pistol with a laser accessory and five hollow-point rounds in the magazine. A sixth round was in the chamber of the pistol.

After getting kicked out of a bar, two men told a police officer they were going to walk straight to their hotel. However, as the cop watched, the two men walked in the wrong direction and one of them paused for a minute between two parked vehicles. When the officer caught up with the man and asked what he had done, the man replied, “I peed.”

A police officer stopped two men who were riding together at night on a moped with a defective muffler and no tail light or brake light. When an officer noticed that the moped was running without a key in the ignition and that the driver did not have a title or proof of ownership, the driver explained that his grandma had bought the moped for him “off the streets in North Charleston” for $50.

When police stopped a man who was seen “sauntering” alone around a public housing project and asked him how many drinks he had consumed, he replied, “One, two … three, four, five, six.”

Two men walked into a lingerie store and shoplifted 20 bottles of perfume worth a total of $1,164.

After getting stabbed in the arm and hit by a car while walking through a neighborhood, a man says he hesitated before going to the hospital. When hospital staff contacted police and an officer asked the man why he hadn’t called 911, the man said he “did not want to make enemies on the Eastside.”

Somebody broke into a tow yard and stole 14 car batteries, four battery cores, four 22-inch chrome rims, and a generator battery from vehicles on the lot. The thief must’ve gotten a charge from it.

After getting caught shoplifting a bottle of wine, a man wearing a fishing hat told a convenience store clerk, “I need this,” but then he relented, returning the bottle to its display case. Then he grabbed a bag of potato chips and walked out of the store.

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