Blotter o’ the Week: While she was getting a massage at a spa, a woman says she heard “weird noises” coming from her masseuse the entire time. At some point, the masseuse rubbed her cheek against the customer’s cheek, lightly bit her ear, and made kissing noises. When the customer felt her ear, she says, it was “not dry.” She sat up and started to leave, at which point she says the masseuse “got uncomfortable really fast.”

Police found ecstasy pills stashed inside a man’s sock. That’s one way to get footloose.

When asked why his car smelled like burnt marijuana, a man told police he didn’t know and that he only smokes cigarettes. Noticing that the man seemed nervous, the officer told the man not to lie and he admitted he had a gram of weed in his pocket.

Cheapskate o’ the Week: A taxi driver picked up a passenger outside a nice restaurant downtown, told him the fare would be $40 or $50, and drove him home. The fare turned out to be $40, but the passenger handed the driver $15 and said he’d go into his house and get the rest of the money. The driver waited 10 minutes and then knocked on the door demanding the rest of his fare. The passenger answered the door holding a pistol and said, “Get the fuck off my property.”

Somebody stole a woman’s phone from her purse while she left it on a bus stop bench during a photo shoot.

Open Containers o’ the Week: A 375-mL bottle of vodka in a jacket pocket, a 750-mL bottle of vodka under a bus stop bench, a 32-oz. malt liquor bottle in a brown paper bag on a sidewalk corner, and a 1.5-liter bottle of red wine between a man’s legs as he sat on the ground in a parking lot.

Around 1 a.m., police found a drunk man leaning on a woman and hugging her. The woman didn’t know him. The officers tried to get the man a taxi ride home, but he refused and said he would walk home, so they arrested him on a public intoxication charge.

Police found a man parked and sleeping behind the wheel of his vehicle in the middle of a downtown intersection at about 3 a.m. The engine was still running, and the man smelled like alcohol.

Somebody stole a woman’s clothes from a dryer at an apartment complex. She really felt like she got hung out to dry.

Officers looked inside a homeless person’s tent and found two GPS units, a radar detector, and a bag full of copper wire.

Swindle o’ the Week: A woman put a piece of furniture up for sale on Craigslist and got a response from someone who offered to pay $1,500 to her PayPal account via money order. The buyer said the seller would have to take $300 out of her own PayPal account and send it via money order to a company in Indiana to pay for shipping. The seller sent the $300 and then realized she’d been duped.

Confession o’ the Week: A police officer watched a woman run across Marion Square and then squatted by a monument to pee. When the officer confronted her about it, she said, “Oh fuck, man, I fucked up. I really had to pee.”

When a bouncer discovered that a bar patron was under 21 and told him to leave, the patron pushed the bouncer and then grabbed him and started wrestling him. By the time police arrived on scene, the bouncer had him pinned to the ground.

Somebody broke into a trailer at a construction site and stole a laptop computer and some power tools. Sounds like they need something constructive to do with their time.

Seven cars were vandalized in a parking lot overnight. Many had their mirrors damaged, their tires punctured, or both. Nothing was stolen from the vehicles.

Some screwball stole a baseball pitching machine from a trailer behind a school.

Somebody broke into 13 units at a self-storage facility by cutting some locks and breaking through the drywall between units.

Somebody smashed a car window by chucking an unopened can of light beer through it.

A woman ordered a desk, table, and some other housewares in the mail. They were shipped to her apartment, but someone stole them from the porch while she was gone.

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