Blotter o’ the Week: Somebody broke a car window and stole a designer purse that was filled with tampons.

A man was about to head out to sea in his boat one day when he realized his bicycle was missing from the marina’s bike rack. He returned seven months later and discovered that his bicycle was locked to the rack again, but the handlebar had been replaced. He reported the re-appearing bike to police, reclaimed the bike, and took off the new lock chain and handlebar, which he said were not his.

Open Containers o’ the Week: A 40-oz. light beer in an apartment breezeway and a restaurant to-go cup full of malt liquor.

Somebody broke into a golf shop and stole 31 drivers worth a combined $13,790.

An officer arrested a man for his second open-container violation in two days. It turned out he also had a warrant out for his arrest on a public urination charge.

A man and a woman walked into a store together and shoplifted a $160 electric toothbrush. They won’t be getting a plaque for their efforts.

A man rented a vehicle for a one-month period, but several weeks after that period ran out, he still had not returned it to the rental company. The rental company branch manager says he has tried to get two different towing companies to repossess the car, but they have not succeeded.

A man walked into a bar, opened up a tab with his credit card, and ordered 12 drinks. He asked the bartender to charge an additional $20 to the card so he could get some cash to buy some cigarettes across the street. The bartender handed him a $20 bill, and after the man walked out, the bartender tried running the credit card, but it was declined. When police caught up with the man, he said he had no way of paying his bar tab.

In broad daylight, two men hopped out of a van and stole a ceramic birdbath. They loaded the $550 birdbath into the van and then drove off.

After an officer saw a man conducting what looked like a drug transaction, another officer stopped the man and asked what he was doing. The man said he was looking for a hooker. During a search, the cop discovered some crack cocaine in the brim of the man’s hat. The man never did find a hooker that night.

A cop saw a man throw a bicycle into some bushes under an overpass. The officer said, “Excuse me, what was the deal with that bike?” The man said, “What bike?” and the officer replied, “The bike I saw you just dump in the bushes back there.” The man said, “I don’t know what you’re —” and then took off running. The officer caught the man, tackled him, and handcuffed him, at which point he found out from another officer that the bike in the bushes was the police department’s GPS-equipped bait bike.

The owner of a construction contracting company called police to report that someone had been illegally dumping residential garbage in his company dumpster. The owner dug through the trash until he found the name of the delinquent dumper on a few pieces of mail, called him, and demanded that he pay $600 in restitution since the waste pickup service charges by weight. The man hung up the phone.

A taxi driver says a woman peed in the backseat of her cab and then tried to argue with her about the cleaning fee.

Somebody stole five ladders from a house that was under renovation. They were six-, eight-, 16-, 24-, and 32-feet tall, respectively.

A man was stopped in traffic when a woman tried to pull her car around his and ended up hitting his car. He says the woman got out of her car and yelled at him, “I thought you were parking!” and “I can’t believe you made me hit you.” He says he tried to exchange insurance information with the woman, but she got back in her car and drove off.

A panhandler says she was standing at an intersection asking for money when another woman walked up, grabbed her hair, and started punching her. An officer arrived on the scene and talked to the alleged attacker, who also happened to be hiding an open beer can under her jacket. The cop told her to pour the can out, and she started chugging it. When asked if she had hurt anyone, the woman said, “Bitch was taking up the intersection, so yeah.”

A bar employee says a woman snuck a bottle of beer into the bar and dropped it on the floor, breaking it. As the employee tried to clean up the mess, the woman “became disorderly and refused to leave,” according to an incident report. A police officer found the woman swaying on her feet near the door to the bar and arrested her on a public intoxication charge.

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