Blotter o’ the Week: An animal trapper says somebody stole two raccoon traps, four squirrel traps, a long-handled and a short-handled dip net, a double-sided pickax, a pair of snake tongs, a catch pull rod, and a long-handled shovel from his front yard. The varmints are revolting!

A man made a scene trying to get back into a bar after a bouncer kicked him out. When a police officer intervened and asked the man what was going on, he said, “I don’t know. They let me in the bar and now they are throwing me out.” The officer asked the man for his driver’s license, and it turned out he was underage and using a fake ID. The officer arrested him.

A man shoplifted two 18-packs of soda, some chicken drumsticks, pork ribs, beef ribs, a pork shoulder, angus beef, and some green apples from a grocery store. The manager described the suspect as a “short, fat, plump white male.”

When a police officer confronted a man who appeared to be intoxicated on a park bench, the man began singing the Bob Marley song “Three Little Birds” to him. The man then “became aggressive and attempted to walk away,” according to a report, and the officer arrested him on a public intoxication charge.

A man flagged down a police officer late at night in a residential area. He said he had been sitting in his parked car when a man walked up to the window, handed him a bag full of white powder, and took his cell phone out of his hand. He says another man then jumped into his car on the passenger side and stole his keys. The officer spoke with the man accused of stealing the keys, and he denied it and said that the complainant had traded his cell phone for drugs. The officer found the keys 8 feet away from the vehicle and the baggie 20 feet away. The powder did not appear to be cocaine, according to a field test.

A man says he fell asleep on a bench, woke up, and discovered that someone had stolen his credit card and used it to make a $120 purchase at a nearby gas station.

Somebody stole a folding knife, a 9mm gun magazine, 10 9mm bullets with full metal jackets, two flashlights, and a first aid kit from an unlocked vehicle.

An employee at a car alignment shop says a customer “punched him in the back of the head for no reason at all,” according to a police incident report.

Wine Zombie o’ the Week: Surveillance footage at a convenience store from around 3:30 a.m. showed a man in a college T-shirt kicking the front glass door and ramming it with his shoulder until it broke. After pausing to let traffic pass by outside, he reached in through a hole in the glass, opened the door, and walked straight to a cooler, where he stole three $9 bottles of champagne. Police found him later in the night in a hotel courtyard with the three bottles.

Somebody stole a 65-inch flat-screen television from a car dealership.

A police officer caught a man peeing on the base of the John C. Calhoun monument in Marion Square. It did not appear to be a political statement.

Somebody called police to report finding a spent shotgun shell on the statue of Denmark Vesey in Hampton Park.

A known gang member is suspected of stealing $1,000 from a horse carriage tour company.

Police stopped a man who was wading through a park fountain collecting coins and placed him on trespass notice from the park.

A customer walked into a store and complained that a Confederate flag was flying from the branches of a nearby tree. A store employee stepped outside and saw the flag flying about 85 feet up. It was tattered and appeared to have possibly been blown off of a nearby bridge into the branches, where it got caught and tangled. Since the tree was on city property, the fire department came out to remove the flag.

Somebody stole a bicycle that was being used to make sandwich deliveries. Be a hero and return the bike, whoever you are. There’s no sub for a good delivery bike.

A man says that shortly after he discovered his wife’s bicycle was missing from their garage, he saw a juvenile riding near his neighborhood on what appeared to be his wife’s bike. It had been spray painted white, and the paint was still sticky.

Police cited a man for public urination after they saw him walk out from behind a convenience store with his belt still undone.

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