Blotter o’ the Week: An officer encountered a man sitting on the sidewalk in broad daylight having a conversation with a fire engine. The cop asked the man what he was drinking, and he said, “I had a pint and a half.” There was an empty vodka bottle on the ground by his feet.

The manager of a bar flagged down a police officer late at night and told him that a woman had been caught urinating in the stairwell of the establishment. She had previously been banned from the bar for urinating somewhere other than the bathroom.

When an officer pulled a man over for swerving in traffic, the man said he had been distracted because he was eating fast food while driving. As it turned out, he and his passenger also had two open cans of beer and two glass pipes in the vehicle.

A witness says he saw two dudes riding a moped on a golf course. When he spotted them, they sped off (to the extent that two grown men can speed off on a moped) and left a big ol’ divot in the tee box on Hole 3.

Somebody ripped the copper gutters and rain pipes off the outside of a house. That’s no way to conduct yourself.

Police responded to a parking garage where a woman had wedged the front end of her car under the garage exit arm and was screaming. Officers found the woman, still screaming, and asked her how the car had gotten stuck. She replied, “I did not do that.” The officers conducted a field sobriety test and arrested her on a DUI charge.

A police officer pulled a woman over for rolling through a stop sign and noticed a jar containing something green and leafy inside the passenger seat pocket. The cop asked her what was in the jar, and she said, “It doesn’t look like … anything.” It turned out it was marijuana.

A police officer caught a group of skateboarders skating on the third floor of a parking garage that had a sign prohibiting “roller skates, skateboarding, and bicycles.” The group took off skating, and the officer was only able to catch one of them.

Somebody cut the lock on a backyard shed and stole four 37-inch tires on black rims, four bows, several dozen arrows, a crossbow, 10 trail cameras, $4,500 worth of hunting clothes, two surfboards, and three high-performance fishing poles.

An officer saw an 18-year-old man bent over on a public bench vomiting, passing out, and then waking up to vomit again. The officer asked the man how much he had to drink, and he replied, “I don’t even know.”

A woman took her car into the shop for maintenance, and a mechanic informed her that someone had blown a hole through the rear bumper and muffler with what appeared to be a .22-caliber bullet. You could say the muffler was shot.

A man walked into a restaurant and stole the tip jar off the front counter, hiding it underneath his Michael Jordan Chicago Bulls replica jersey. Come on, man, be like Mike.

Somebody stole the GPS units from four boats at a marina. Sounds like the work of somebody living a rudderless existence.

A con artist emailed a businessman’s secretary while he was on vacation, pretended to be the businessman, and asked her to wire him $8,550. The email appeared to come from the businessman’s address, but the secretary only found out after she had wired the money that the email had somehow been routed from another account.

After an officer searched a man and found half a gram of marijuana in his pocket, the man said, “I thought anything under a gram was legal.” Wrong state, bud.

A pizza delivery man says he delivered three large pizzas to an apartment. A man answered the door, made some excuses about why he couldn’t pay, and then snatched the pies away from the driver and ran out the back door.

A police officer stopped a man who was carrying a pistol in a holster on his waist as he walked down the street. It turned out it was just a pellet gun, and the man said “he had been threatened by others and was carrying it to scare them off,” according to an incident report. The cop arrested the man on a charge of carrying a concealed toy pistol.

A man says he was standing at a construction site when two men, one with dreadlocks and one with a mohawk, walked up and one of them said, “I pull up on guys and ask them to show me their dick.” The complainant said he replied, “That is gay,” and that’s when the two men started punching him in the face. The men ran off and smashed the victim’s car windshield as they left.

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