Blotter o’ the Week: A woman agreed to babysit her nephew for a few days, during which time the 6-year-old terror allegedly broke a toilet handle, the garbage disposal, and the dishwasher, which caused the kitchen to flood. The woman also reported to police that some of her jewelry — valued at $75,000 — was missing and she is adamant that the child was responsible. The woman added that she had found a gold earring in the toilet in the master bathroom.

A cyclist who admitted to having just taken a large quantity of heroin told officers that he was riding his bike when a passing car struck him in traffic. The driver of the vehicle, who appeared to be intoxicated, according to an incident report, told police that the cyclist pedaled up to his car and began punching his side-view mirror for no reason.


A woman suspects that her former coworker — who she had helped get fired — exacted a little revenge by busting one of the windows of her home.

A man was approached by a stranger who complimented his bike. The man then agreed to allow the stranger to take a test ride, but after watching the other man ride his bike down the street and patiently awaiting his return, it dawned on this trusting cyclist that he would not be seeing his wheels again.

Officers noticed a man on a bike swerving across two lanes of traffic, narrowly avoiding a collision with oncoming vehicles. When asked by police if he had been drinking, the man replied, “I am fucked up. I just had a pint of bourbon and decided to take a bike ride,” according to an incident report.

A suspicious character was spotted peering into the windows of cars parked along the side of the street. When questioned by police, the man, who was shaking and sweating profusely, said he was merely looking for a place to stay and had recently purchased his bike from a “crack head” nearby. An officer found a bottle of pills in the man’s possession, which he said he had found at the bus stop and decided to take a few to help him sleep.

An ambitious shoplifter hoping to climb the rungs of the criminal world was caught shoplifting a ladder from a home improvement store.

When asked by police why she was knocking on random doors late one evening, a woman replied, “Because I am drunk and forgot which apartment was mine.”

According to an incident report, things got tense between two vendors in the market when one allegedly shouted, “I make baskets, and you make more money than me selling your purses from China. That isn’t fair.” The two exchanged more words and one of the women had to be restrained by other vendors in the market to prevent her from assaulting the other woman.

An intoxicated man was escorted out of a bar late one night for loitering after hours and making female employees uncomfortable. The man told police that he was waiting for his girlfriend, but bar staff informed the man that she had left more than 30 minutes ago.

Police met with a man who had withdrawn almost $40,000 of his own money and deposited it into the accounts of a man he had never met. When he spoke with officers, the man was in the process of withdrawing $11,600, which he was told would be picked up by two women later in exchange for a $700,000 check. The two women never arrived, and the man failed to find his big pay day.

A man found his gas tank filled with sugar after a not-so-sweet coworker allegedly said that he would “get him” if he came into work, according to an incident report. The cost of repairing the vehicle’s fuel system was estimated at around $450.

Two women got into a fist fight downtown after one of the women and her friends “exchanged words of disrepute” inside of a bar regarding the “chastity of the offender,” according to one very grandiloquent incident report.

An officer was able to locate an intoxicated man who had been shouting obscenities at shoppers outside of a department store. While speaking to the man, the officer was continuously interrupted by the suspect who asked the officer if he had read his book.

A man was spotted jumping up and down on top of a parked police car late one evening. He then leapt from the vehicle into a cheering crowd on the sidewalk. The man later apologized to police, saying that he was “just being drunk and stupid.”

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