Blotter o’ the Week: One party-hopping padawan was feeling the Force a bit too hard when police found Darth Vader-shaped MDMA tablets in his vehicle. A quick check of the man’s midichlorian count would likely determine whether or not he was destined for a galaxy far, far away.

After being kicked out of his second bar for the evening, an intoxicated man pulled out his phone and began filming security staff asking that he vacate the premises. The man probably later used that video to prove to all his friends how cool he is.

A woman and a witness both claim that her neighbor has been actively working to antagonize her on a daily basis. The women told police that the noisy neighbor from hell continuously bangs trash can lids late at night, slams cinder blocks together, burns random items on his grill, and plays loud recordings of dogs barking and doors slamming.

An officer discovered an intoxicated woman lying on the sidewalk just after midnight one evening. As the officer attempted to talk to the woman, her male companion emerged from a nearby set of bushes. The man was unable to tell police if the woman was his wife, but he was able to say that he initially ran away from her when he saw police approaching because he was scared.

A woman accused of shoplifting almost $150 in earrings from a department store told police that she “has an issue with stealing things when she has been drinking and taking Xanax,” according to an incident report.

A shoplifter was confronted by the cashier at a convenience store regarding the can of hot and spicy Vienna sausages he had pocketed. The man was so startled that he dropped his candy bar as he fled the store.

An intoxicated man believing himself to be the victim of robbery told an officer that he fell asleep only to awake and find that “his stuff was gone.” While speaking with police, the man became increasingly angry before trying to lie down on the sidewalk and take a nap. The incident ended when the man asked the officer to take him to jail for public intoxication.

An officer noticed a man’s wife asking him not to threaten passersby on the street. Her request went unnoticed as her husband then threw the pizza he was carrying in the face of another man. Or as Dean Martin would say, “When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s a moron.”

When asked “Do you know where you are?” by police, a man drunkenly replied, “Tuesday!”

A woman left her pistol underneath the passenger seat of her rental car. The rental company called the absent-minded gun owner after finding the pistol.

A man refused to pay his cab fare on the way home from a bar one evening. After three of his credit cards were declined, the man handed his driver a $1 bill, saying “Here’s a 20” before running inside an apartment building. His fare was $24.

A woman stepped out on the patio of her apartment to smoke a cigarette when she noticed a naked man sweeping outside of his apartment. The woman claims that the man then bent over, exposing his buttocks and testicles to her. The woman’s fiance then stepped outside and snapped a photo of his cleanly nude neighbor that we’ll dub the “Neat Freak.”

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