Blotter o’ the Week: A man was cited for trespassing and disorderly conduct when a woman told authorities that he repeatedly rang her doorbell, yelled into her mail slot, and threw rocks at her third floor window. What happened to the good old days when a guy would just stand outside with a big ass boombox?

A disoriented dad hit a light pole and caused power outages throughout a middle school, ensuring that his son will forever ask to be dropped off a mile away.

A man stole two faucets, worth a combined $800, from a hardware store after he feigned conversation with a customer service employee and walked out of the line. We have to admit that’s pretty good technique.

A man went up to an underage girl who was walking on the CofC campus. He grabbed her from behind, pulled her clothes down to her waist, and grabbed her chest with both hands as he repeated, “I have to touch you.”

Stolen from cars this week: a 15-inch MacBook Pro, a bottle of Adderall, $7,000 in cash.

A man was cited for shoplifting when he tried to walk out of a supermarket with $77 worth of groceries, which generously included a $25 filet mignon.

A woman became concerned after her child’s father posted a selfie with a firearm and captioned it, “Going out tonight.” #GirlsNight. #WhiteGirlWasted.

“Look, I’m going to be straight with you. I have weed on me and there is weed in the car,” said one man before he was given a $615 citation and stripped of his $125 bag of pot. We feel your pain.

A grad student filed a restraining order against her ex-boyfriend after he kept sending her text messages calling her a “whore,” unknowingly hurting Kristen Roupenian’s case that “Cat Person” is purely fiction.

A lost iPad sent officers on a wild goose chase from house to house using Find My iPhone, in one of the rare instances in which the person stealing an Apple product doesn’t have the sense to turn it off.

A man stole a $76 bottle of cognac from a downtown liquor store, and he will feel fancy either way.

A woman shopping for pots and pans at a department store looked out the corner of her eye to see a 15-year-old boy “holding his semi-erect penis with both hands above the waist band of his short.”

“I’m going to be completely honest, I have two more shirts and two hats in the truck.” Too much honesty for a shoplifter.

A man exclaimed “don’t shoot me” when he was pulled over by an officer, but it took City Council almost two years to decide the police department might need a second look.

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