This week in Victoria’s Secret thefts: Two women and a man went to the back corner of the King Street location, rummaged through the merchandise for a couple of minutes, hid it on their bodies, and walked out of the store. Total loss: $1,385.

Officers found a man asleep in his truck, which was parked (and running) in front of an elementary school at 2 a.m. The man had an open case of beer in the back and failed a field sobriety test shortly after.

A woman who was in the process of stealing $380 worth of perfume from a West Ashley department store began to walk out of the store “at a fast pace” when an officer tried to catch up with her.

A man was fired after charging $21,000 on the company credit card for items that were never used. The phone number for the company in question was disconnected, and their alleged address was nonexistent.

A man sitting on a downtown porch raised his right hand and smashed his crack pipe as soon as officers approached him.

A woman was taken to the hospital with injuries that she later said she got during a fight with her live-in boyfriend. Speaking to police, the man said they were just drinking beer and playing “love games,” but refused to elaborate on why his girlfriend was unconscious when police arrived.

A pharmacy employee found a gram of weed wrapped in a $10 bill and … she … turned it in to police?

A woman returned to her West Ashley apartment to find her front door wide open. Someone had vandalized the wooden door frame, but had stolen nothing from inside the home. Two neighbors heard a loud bang earlier that day, but told officers they thought nothing of it.

A man who was struggling with a field sobriety test became agitated and told the officer, “I’m a fucking cancer patient,” a diagnosis he repeated when the officer found 22 grams of weed in a vacuum-sealed bag in his car.

A Johns Island man is missing three watches ($28,100) and three rings ($2,500) from his nightstand. He hasn’t noticed signs of break-ins, but he has thrown multiple parties recently, including a Halloween shindig with 65 guests.

A man took his shirt off and pleaded with the bouncer at a King Street bar to let him in after he was kicked out. Officers shooed him away, but the man went back to the bouncer less than 10 minutes later.

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