The Blotter is taken from Charleston Police Department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

Blotter o’ the week: A woman reeled in a sock while fishing in a creek. Inside the sock was a semi-automatic handgun. The serial number was not legible at the scene. Thankfully, the woman did not practice catch and release, and crime scene technicians responded and collected the weapon.

A man got into several altercations inside of, and outside of, a local strip club. The last fight before police arrived was because someone tried to give him a high-five.

A teacher informed police that she misplaced a sack full of medication for students at a popular tourist attraction. Surprisingly, no adderall was in the bag.

What were probably the Children of the Corn surrounded a school bus after being dropped off from a local charter school. They began verbally harassing the driver while she was in the bus, standing in front of it so she couldn’t leave. One student threw a glass bottle at the driver’s side. The bus driver was unharmed.

A fishing rod signed by Captain Blair Wiggins, who we assume is an important seaperson, was stolen from a man’s property.

A laptop with Peewee Herman, National Lampoon, and Uncle Buck stickers was stolen one night. Yes, detective, the victim was a male in their mid-30s.

An individual staying at an upscale local hotel was contacted by an unknown party through the hotel phone. They disclosed their credit card number, social security number, and home address to the caller. Six hours later, they were alerted that their credit card had been compromised. Police and hotel management are investigating.

Offenders can be charged with “Throwing Bodily Fluids.” That’s information nobody wishes they had. You’re welcome.

Police approached two teens who were smoking pot in public. They denied that the burning blunt on the ground was theirs, until the officer asked them to “keep it real.” One teen immediately confessed, because he keeps it real.

A woman was arrested for attempting to shoplift $4.07 worth of items. For context, conviction of shoplifting items under $2,000 can land someone in jail for up to 30 days.

Thefts from motor vehicles ran the gamut in the last week, with stolen items ranging from the standard, scary, and passé (handguns), to the unique, new, and sad (diaper bags).

Police referred to a woman’s “X-boyfriend” several times in a report. They did not specify if he was human or a cyborg sent to the past by Skynet to prevent her from giving birth to the savior of humanity.

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