The Blotter is taken from reports filed with Charleston Police Department between Aug. 12 and Aug. 19. No one described in this section has been found guilty, just unlucky.

Blotter o’ the week: After being detained for driving under the influence, a man described his drunkenness quite eloquently, saying that on a scale of one to 10, one being sober and 10 being highly intoxicated, he was a solid four. But officers know: If you say you’re a four, you’re probably closer to an eight.

A check for $5,950 was stolen from a man’s vehicle parked in downtown Charleston. Free financial advice: Leaving a check for thousands of dollars in an unlocked car is not a great move.

A man sent $4,000 worth of gift cards to a man he believed to be Mark Zuckerberg on WhatsApp. He realized he was being scammed after “the real Mark Zuckerberg” messaged him to tell him that his Instagram had been hacked. If more people would read the Blotter, there would surely be fewer counts of flim-flammery in these entries.

A West Ashley man told responding officers that his motorcycle, which had chrome on it “like the bike from Ghost Rider” was stolen. Staying on theme, some impressive drag marks were left at the scene that the owner said he didn’t leave himself. We can only hope that the culprit is in fact the real Ghost Rider, and the bike is in better hands now.

The saga continues: Officers responded to the maintenance building at a West Ashley apartment complex after receiving a call that a black pressure washer was missing. That brings the total number of stolen pressure washers in the Blotter over recent weeks up to three, and the culprit has graduated from shoplifting to burglary. Stay safe out there, folks.

Two adults distracted employees at a West Ashley beauty store while three children roamed the store, filling bags brought from home with merchandise before escaping through the front door. Apparently the term “crime family” is a bit more literal these days.

After officers found a plastic bag of marijuana on a suspect, they discovered a glass pipe containing a white crystal-like substance in his underwear. We definitely don’t know anything about illicit drugs, but keeping your probable meth pipe in your underwear seems like a bad idea.

If we’ve learned anything from this week’s Blotter, it’s that there’s nothing more terrifying than a woman with a pink stun gun four vodka martinis deep on a Wednesday. You don’t want to know.

A woman admitted her birthday was in April 2002, while being questioned by police for public intoxication. As she was arrested, her “other” ID, which listed the date of birth as April 1998, slipped out of her bag. Whoops.

Officers located a car reported stolen, still in the same parking lot it was stolen from. They contacted the owner, but before he was able reach the car, the thief managed to drive it away after police left the scene. Come on, guys, this is on you.

A West Ashley woman had her white and blue Trump 2020 sign stolen from her front yard. We aren’t really supposed to encourage criminal activity, so we would like to ask whoever stole it to please ensure this sign is returned to where it belongs. Interpret that as you will.

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