The Blotter is taken from reports filed with Charleston Police Department between Oct. 14 and Oct. 19. No one described in this section has been found guilty, just unlucky.

Blotter o’ the week: A woman reported her car stolen after she parked it on East Bay Street while having dinner and was unable to find it afterward. She described it as having heavy damage to the front bumper and a sticker of a stick figure on the back windshield. We need more details; what is the stick figure doing? Why didn’t it stop the car thief?

A woman sitting outside a King Street restaurant was approached by a man who repeatedly told her, “You need to learn what it means to call the cops on a Black man,” before leaving without incident. Clearly, he was right, because she immediately called the police, who told her the claims wouldn’t be pursued criminally.

Roughly two dozen bottles of perfume were stolen from a downtown lingerie store. The owner said they couldn’t determine the full value, but the perfumes stolen were called “Bombshell Intense,” “Bombshell Seduction,” “Very Sexy” and “Tease.” We hope the thief was planning a spectacular date night, otherwise that’s just weird.

Pressure washer thievery has gone mobile. One man had his pressure washer and buffing tool stolen from his Honda Accord while it was parked in a James Island parking lot. It’s the perfect crime – an item you can steal and use to clean up behind you.

 A man contacted police after he accidentally fired his handgun while unloading bullets from it. The round went through the bathroom and shower doors and into the tiled shower wall. Someone tell this guy there’s a cheaper and safer way to get the bullets out of your gun.

A construction worker filed a police report after watching a boat drive by Murray Boulevard in the water with a woman yelling onboard. We’re sure this guy is just looking out, but if we filed a report every time we heard someone yelling, there would be too many for us to sift through on Wednesdays.

A woman and her neighbors received type-written letters in their mailboxes after putting Trump campaign signs in their yards. The notes read in part, “Are you a racist, a person with no moral compass or just a low information person who gets their news through Fox?” Well, answer the question.

One handgun described as a “Colt Cobra Police Positive .38 Special” revolver with a wood grip and camouflage wrapping was stolen from a vehicle downtown. After reading the description we expected it to be worth more than just $300.

One man reported his Jeep stolen after three men in front of him in line at a downtown gas station left the store with his vehicle. The betrayal he must have felt after bonding with the thieves in line must have been worse than the thievery itself. Maybe not.

A downtown man reported his moped stolen after he left it in his driveway with the keys inside. He told police it had no identifying markings and he had no photos of the vehicle. It’s ok, man, if we rode a moped, we wouldn’t want our friends knowing either.

One man blew a 0.33 on a Breathalyzer test after failing a separate field sobriety test. It’s worth noting that a 0.37 is potentially fatal and reaching a 0.30 percent would mean this person consumed 11 standard 12 oz beers in an hour. Forget the test, it’s a feat this guy was conscious. 

Stay cool. Support City Paper.

City Paper has been bringing the best news, food, arts, music and event coverage to the Holy City since 1997. Support our continued efforts to highlight the best of Charleston with a one-time donation or become a member of the City Paper Club.