About half of customers that phone the shop to place a flower order get stumped when asked what they want the card to say.
Just so you know, it’s standard to include a card with a flower delivery. So the surprise interaction can be quite comical at times.
Some people know exactly what flowers they want — they know the desired arrangement size and the recipient’s favorite color or flower. They even know our unique style and are good with the farm-to-table look. They can check all the boxes we ask of them.
But when we get to the part of the conversation where we ask what they want their note to say, the phone will go silent. Many have said, “Oh, I was afraid you would ask.” Or “what should I say?” Or even, “Can you just write something for me?” Worse yet is when the sender wants to say nothing and says, “They’ll know who it is from.” That’s a non-starter because most florists will not deliver flowers anonymously. Why? It’s kind of creepy and confusing for us and the recipient. So don’t do it.
This trend of uncertainty around what to write has noticeably increased over the past 12 years of owning Roadside Blooms. Sometimes, a customer will get cold feet on the phone and ask to call back later with a message or choose to email us instead of sharing thoughts over the phone. I’m certain the hesitation isn’t limited to just cards, but extends to many forms of written expression, including social media and emails.
Sending gifts or a card is often correlated with a special occasion such as a birthday, new job, loss of a loved one or an anniversary. People feel pressure to say exactly the right thing for that specific occasion. There is a fear of being misunderstood should they go off script. Nobody wants to say the wrong thing and cause offense if their words were misconstrued. On the other hand, there is a fear of not saying enough.
The societal pressure of saying the right thing at the right time can lead to perfectionism and second guessing so many revert to playing it safe with a simple “Happy Birthday” or “Congratulations.” While it’s fine to use these straightforward statements, we can give the recipient a bit more as the words in the card often outweigh the accompanying gift.
I believe we as a species are yearning for deeper connection to one another. We’ve gotten used to responding to and receiving sentiment with emojis. We all find it an easier way to communicate, although it is incredibly superficial. I remember thinking after posting about the passing of my father seven years ago that it was kind of sad how many more “care” and “sad” emojis I received rather than some sort of real acknowledgement from people I care about as to what I was going through. Since then, I’ve tried to make responses to such things more personable.
Just say something authentic
My best advice is to let go of all that anxiety and worry about finding the right words and just say something authentic. I believe it’s better to be vulnerable and say something that isn’t perfect than to just be generic. Get to the heart of why you are sending the gift in the first place.
Here are some examples of how to turn something otherwise generic into something meaningful without trying too hard.
Instead of just saying “Happy Birthday” to a coworker, say something like “Happy Birthday to the one who brings much-needed humor to the workplace. I appreciate your light-heartedness.” If the coworker is actually a downer, you can acknowledge hard work, dedication or another positive attribute. Just saying “Happy Birthday” suggests you just went through the motions of ordering flowers for them from the office. With a little effort, you can change that narrative.
Instead of saying “Sorry for your loss,” try something like, “We are deeply sorry for the loss of your uncle. Please know that we are here with heartfelt support.” Be sure to mention the name of the person who passed.
I say “I love you” to my friends all the time. I think we should normalize telling people that we care and why. I know I like to hear it. I had a friend once write in a card to me that they loved me and were grateful for my friendship because I’m a good listener and they felt seen by me. That meant so much. I don’t even remember what gift that was attached to but I’ll always remember how I felt when I read that card.
Toni Reale is the owner of Roadside Blooms, a unique flower, crystal and plant shop at 4491 Durant Ave., North Charleston. Online at roadsideblooms.com.
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