The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

Blotter Threat O’ The Week: “I’m going to fuckin’ kill your ass.”

On August 8, a woman was sitting at a Columbus Street bus stop wearing only her pants and a bra. When a cop asked her to put her shirt back on, she said, “I don’t have a shirt. You should buy one for me.” The woman, who was sipping from a quart of beer, became increasingly belligerent and was eventually arrested. Who knew Paris Hilton was visiting Charleston?

Blotter Creepy Love Request O’ The Week: “I need to see you. If you won’t, then I’ll have to come there and hurt you.”

The manager of a King Street apartment complex called the cops on August 4 because the snack machine in the building’s laundry room had been broken into and a variety of snacks stolen. And that’s why we don’t mix ‘roids and marijuana, kids.

A woman was trying to move out of her downtown apartment on August 6 when she got into an argument with her female roommate. The first woman was hit in the face with a flying cellphone. Who does her roommate think she is … Naomi Campbell?

Love Best of Charleston?

Help the Charleston City Paper keep Best of Charleston going every year with a donation. Or sign up to become a member of the Charleston City Paper club.