Shoplift o’ the Week: A roll of toilet paper, two 32. oz bottles of Schlitz, and a pack of Fig Newtons from a downtown convenience store.

Dad o’ the Year Award: During a routine patrol an officer saw a subject put something behind a vehicle he was standing next to. Upon questioning, the subject told the officer to “Relax, man, it’s just a beer.” However, after the officer learned the man had three domestic violence charges and had allegedly failed to make child support payments, he was arrested. The members of Frankie Goes to Hollywood were not available for comment.

Guilty Conscience o’ the Week: A West Ashley man met with officers to complain about a stolen bike. When asked politely where he had purchased the bike and how much it was worth, the suddenly nervous subject admitted that a friend had originally stolen the bike from someone else so it wasn’t really his to lose.

After calling a female victim approximately 50 times, a repeat harasser uttered this to the ex-girlfriend who’d shunned him: “When you come into the city, that’s when I’m going to hurt you! I’m going to fuckin’ kill you and your son.” The victim’s crime? Not getting off at her usual bus stop.

An officer was approached by the apparent victim of a downtown fight, complaining of being the recipient of a sucker punch. When the officer arrived on scene, the alleged attacker was lying on his back surrounded by a group of the victim’s friends. It is unclear at this time if the officer also believes in sucker-punch karma.

Threat o’ the Week:

“I know where you live bitch, and I am gonna enjoy killing you!”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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