A man was getting in his car to drive home when a stranger walked up and asked for a ride. When the driver said no, the would-be carpooler Hulked out and threw a newspaper stand at the windshield.

Epiphany o’ the Week: “I have been clean for two years, and now this … I just met this guy. I guess I need better friends.”

Two guys who were cruising through a neighborhood in a white van around 1 a.m. claimed the driver was showing his friend “the sights.” Police found crack cocaine and an open can of beer in the van.

A man walked into an office to apply for a job, and when he went back outside, he discovered someone had stolen his bicycle.

Crack Pipe Hiding Place o’ the Week: Wrapped in a paper towel under a car floormat.

A man tried to shoplift a $76 belt by wearing it in his belt loops. Guess you could say he was strapped for cash.

Landlords o’ the Week: A property management company left a box of sensitive documents with tenants’ personal information sitting outside a storage unit, and someone looked through them.

When asked where she was going, a certain woman gave police curveball answers like “I will become president one day” and “I like coconut.”

Unenviable Position o’ the Week: Barely conscious in one’s car and parked in a grocery store parking lot after vomiting out the window and calling a police officer a bitch.

A man driving a truck committed a hit and run … on a liquor store.

Actual sentence from an account of a fight on a school bus: “[The victim] received no injury from the thrown applesauce.”

During a traffic stop, an officer told a driver to step out of his car and asked if he had anything illegal in the vehicle. The driver answered, “Not in the vehicle.” He had weed in his pockets.

The Things They Shoplifted: A 16-oz. bottle of beer, a 24-oz. bottle of beer, a pack of white socks, women’s underwear, and a pack of baby socks.

Around 2 a.m., police woke up a man who was lying spread-eagle in the street. They asked if he was on any medications, and he answered, “George Washington.”

Dine-and-Dash Bill o’ the Week: $44.01

When a man looking for a job entered a fast-food restaurant and found out they weren’t hiring, he got mad and punched a hole in the wall. They’ll probably call him if a position opens up.

DUI Bar Tab o’ the Week: A Blue Moon and a Jäger shot.

After cussing out some people in a bar and getting violent with the staff, a man told police who arrived at the scene, “Y’all just don’t wanna hear a educated black man speak the truth.”

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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