BLOTTER O’ THE WEEK: A man told police that his car blew a flat after driving over an open manhole cover. Curse you, Ninja Turtles!

Drug Dealing Excuse o’ the Week: “I’m just trying to pay some people. I’m not making any money with it.”

Disappearing Evidence o’ the Week: A convenience store clerk told police that a man had shoplifted a beer from his store, but when police stopped the man on the sidewalk, he wasn’t carrying any stolen beers.

Someone stole a person’s bank information and used the checking account to pay for satellite TV service. Police are pursuing the case, but nobody seems willing to dish.

After an 80-year-old man realized he had left his wedding ring on a shelf in a grocery store bathroom, he went back to retrieve it and found that it was no longer there. Stay gold, Charleston.

A man told police that someone stole two 12-gauge shotguns and a .45-caliber semi-automatic handgun from the trunk of his Passat. Mental note: Don’t mess with Volkswagen drivers.

In order to break into a house, someone rammed a flagpole through a glass door.

When police questioned a man who was lying on the sidewalk with his hands behind his head, he was unable to say what year it was or who the current president of the United States was. That’s right: Marty McFly is in Charleston, people.

Drunk and Disorderly Quote o’ the Week: After an officer saw a woman nearly stumble off the sidewalk into traffic, the woman told the officer, “Hell yeah, I’m drunk! I’m always drunk!”

The Things They Shoplifted: Two bottles of argan oil shampoo, a pack of feminine pads, a jar of hair styling gel, a folding utility knife, a battery-powered screwdriver, and an 18-gallon purple plastic container.

A man parked his car at an apartment complex and then honked his horn for 10 minutes in bursts of up to 15 seconds. Police stopped the man after he drove away and kept tooting his horn for no apparent reason. When they checked the man’s driver’s license, they discovered he had an outstanding warrant and arrested him.

Police pulled a man over for having a defective tag light and improper vehicle registration stickers. The officer noticed the driver’s hands were shaking and asked what was wrong, and the driver said he was just nervous because he didn’t want to get a traffic ticket. Actually, he was nervous because he was hiding a pill bottle full of weed and some oxycodone in his backpack.

A man told police that he caught a man on his home surveillance camera trying to firebomb his house with a lit rag in a bottle. The victim says he is a former Blood and thinks his would-be attacker is a Crip.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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