A man claims that 18 sharks have been stolen from the unlocked freezer beside his house where he stores them. Something smells a little fishy.

A barefoot man who reeked of booze was lying down in the middle of a street when an officer woke him and asked how much he had to drink that night. The man sat up and retorted, “How much have you had to drink?”

Someone broke into an apartment and took down all the pictures of the resident and her best friend. Nothing was stolen.

D-Bag o’ the Week: A man saw a cop taking down the tag number of his sport motorcycle, which was parked in a loading zone. He ran up and said, “I’m moving it. Don’t give me a ticket,” then he hopped on the bike, rolled backward over the officer’s foot, and sped away.

DUI Bar Tab o’ the Week: “Two or three Natural Lights.”

When cops caught a man carrying a red plastic cup full of beer through a parking lot, the man said, “It’s a beer. I’ll pour it out.” The parking lot gods appreciated the libations, but they didn’t help him get out of an open-container ticket.

The Things They Shoplifted: Eight bed comforters, five watches, an athletic jacket, a cordless drill, and an impact wrench.

A thief stole a purse containing two history books and is no doubt furthering his or her self-education as you read this sentence.

Assault Weapon o’ the Week: A curling iron.

Responding to the scene of a single-car accident, police found a man wandering around on foot nearby. They asked him what had happened, and he replied, “Like … what.” They asked how the car had ended up in the marsh, and he said, “No … what.”

Someone stole a man’s fishing poles. The victim was left reeling.

On a hot afternoon, a teenage girl shoplifted several sodas and started guzzling them on the sidewalk. An employee of the store confronted her about it, and she bolted.

When police stopped a man for screaming profanities while riding a bike down the street, he identified himself to officers as “Barack Obama.” Nice try, Romney campaign.

Shoplifting Fail o’ the Week: A team of would-be thieves tried using an old receipt to carry some merchandise out the door at a big-box store. Problem: One of the guys got greedy and took a few items that weren’t on the receipt.

The Blotter is taken from City of Charleston police department reports. We’ve added a cartoon and a little commentary. We’ve added a little humor, too. No one has been found guilty. This is not a court of law.

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